The Man

I walked into the room
I see him
Sitting at the edge of the bed
His eyes looking at the floor
I have not seen him smiling
For months now
I teared
But quickly wiped it away
He must never see me crying
I reached for his hands
Slowly moistening his palm with the lotion
" Can you scratch my back?"
"Of course" I said
Dutifully doing what I was told
As a daughter
Do you want to watch a movie?
I persistently asked
Knowing both him and I enjoyed doing it
He scolded me
I cried
No, not because of what he said
But because I am aware of his pain
It tore my heart apart
Scolding God
For putting him through this
The days flew
And than came the time when he had to leave me
I hated God
Clueless as to whats happening
The man is no more
But his teachings and his memory
Will always be treasured...

Tough Lessons Of Life

Less than 24 hours and we will be moving into a new year,2010! Unbelievable, the time is moving so fast.I have no idea what I did in the last two years. It just came and went,each day lived, yet not to the fullest.Yes, not to the fullest. I am maturing with each passing year, thus I expect myself to set goals and learn more, and be more responsible and set my priorities right. However little did I know, God had His own plans.Though it was not a smooth ride, but I definitely learned more.Mostly the lessons of love, life, family, friends, and trust. I have learned to appreciate the smallest things in life.To be grateful for being able to wake up each morning and to be able to see and feel the warm morning sunlight.To be grateful to hear my mum's voice every morning. To be grateful to be blessed with sisters who are supportive. Most importantly, I know I have a shoulder to cry on when I need one. What more could I ask for? I am truly blessed. My friends have also thought me valuable lessons. Along the way, I met friends whom I was not closed too initially. Funny, when things were fine for me, the world seemed polished! No problems,everyone seemed happy, but it was these two years that thought me people fall into the dark pit and they just climb out of it, and move on.They try to create the life they want. Honestly, it is never the end of the world when problems come your way. It is merely an opportunity for you to be strong, to grow, to learn and to survive. I have been pushed around a lot in the last two years. There were times when I had to bit my tongue and keep quite when something really unacceptable and irrational happens. I was not left with any choice. From being a quite and unnoticed student, now I cant walk anywhere without being unnoticed. I have encountered many stubborn headed and some extremely egoistic teachers. Some of which I wish I could just twist their ears and tell them " Moron, listen to me, you are no God, so don't behave like one!" They are many times I have burst out crying in the restroom, just wanting to run away and to hug someone. Now, thinking back, it was a lesson to make me strong and to move on. It was God's way of saying " See child, this is life, not the one you think it is, meet some of these people, they will teach you how to live." How true! Friends? Well,I had many. Still do. But strangely, it was those who I have met in the last two years who have been my strength. Family? My BIGGEST bundle of joy and love. I would never trade them in for anything! No, thank you , I am much happier in their presence. I remember a friend telling me once, " God only test those who are strong" . Well, thanks Lord, I am strong, just be my foundation-my strength and I am sure I wont have a problem facing the world.

My love

His strong arms wrapping me
His breath gently
Moistening my neck
His heart beat
Singing our favorite song
His fingers artistically
Making its way up and down my arms
Stopping on its journey
To carve an invisible love on my skin
Only felt by me
Sending a wave of happiness
That slowly pulls me into a sea of joy
His toes naughtily caressing my legs
I let go a small giggle
With his constant kisses on my shoulder
I looked up at his face
His blue eyes is a beauty of its own
They instantly connected with mine
We spoke
With no words
A million things were said
Yet no one heard us
His face
Looked like thousands of diamonds
Put together
Glowing under the sunlight
I thanked Lord
A silent prayer went His way
Letting Him know
How grateful I am
To be loved!

A New Start

I sat by the window
Looking out
Into the horizon
The mountain top
Framed by the dark blue sky
Keeps me wondering
Where does this journey end
What is in store tomorrow
Will the purple morning glory bloom,
Spreading warmth and joy to my heart
Will the morning bird chippings
Come as a beautiful tune into my ear
Will the cold breeze touch my skin
Giving me a feeling of joy
Uplifting my spirit
To go ahead with another new day
Or will it be just another day
With the sound of traffics deafening me
And the smoke clogging the pores of my skin
Aging me
Looking much older than my true age
Or just another sight of insane beings
Scratching one another with sharp claws
To be the best
Whatever it is,
Lies in the eye of the beholder,
A change can only be done
When the way something is looked at is changed,
A closed door,
Can be the end of the world
or merely a start to a new journey...

A Thousand Words Of Thank You May Never Be Enough

A SPECIAL NOTE: THIS GOES TO SAY THANK YOU TO MY SECOND SISTER SHAM.YOU ARE MY BIGGEST STRENGTH. A SINCERE THANK YOU!

AND I AM SHARING THEM WITH THE REST WHO NEEDS A LITTLE COMFORT, WHO NEEDS SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, AND TO THOSE WHO LOVES, APPRECIATE, AND LEARNS FROM LIFE.INDEED," LIFE IS THE BIGGEST UNIVERSITY"- HOW TRUE, THOSE WERE THE ADVICE BY MY LATE FATHER.

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help." There were only a few coins in the hat.

A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?"

The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way."

I wrote: "Today is a beautiful day but I cannot see it."

Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively.

When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear.

The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling.
And even more beautiful is, knowing that you are the reason behind it.

They Are Back, And I Am The Most Happiest Person!

Wait, .... just had to calm myself. My heart was beating in excitement , and no no no, not due to exams , wait a sec, my heart beats in FEAR in case of an exam=)this is purely because of the first picture that caught my eye this morning in the papers....

AHHHH!Madness! Purely mad! Think I am going crazy, I just love the both of them! Love, Love, Love! Now, they are back again in " My Name Is Khan". I feel like screaming in excitement. They have got the best chemistry on screen, just so perfect , like how perfectly an antigen binds to an antibody! That's how perfect. I can't wait to watch! You know, I used to grow up watching their movies, always pretending to be Kajol ( common I am sure I am not the only one like that, rite?) or dancing to their songs , and falling totally in love for the solid 3 hours that the show runs. Its divine and pure love. Pardon me again for the crapping, but I have got a disproportionate amount of happiness in me today, like a new flow of energy. I think its fair, considering the fact that yesterday I had THE worst day in my life. Today, I just want to drown in a sea of happiness.LA,LA,LA,LA,LA....

Lotus F1 Racing VS Virgin Racing

Datuk Seri Tony Fernandes VS Sir Richard Branson

Now, both these GROWNUP boys own their own airline. The bet is-the loser of the F1 race between Lotus F1 Racing & Virgin Racing, has to dress up as a flight attendant on the winner's airline. How cool is that? I don't mean bad alright, but this is just like one of the movies in which two business rivals fight with one another, doing the ridiculous things to see who is the best! And I really think its funny and cool.Just imagine, one of them will end up in a stewardess outfit, serving you.What a sight!Can't wait to see who the winner is...

Quotes For The Day

" Resentments are guaranteed to hinder our growth. We can never know full happiness when resentment clouds our vision. Why is it so hard for us to "forget" the small injuries of life? We have never been promised freedom from pain. Many of the lessons we are destined to learn will scuff our egos. But we will know happiness, completely, if we free our minds of resentments.

The formula for happiness is simple. We don't need material wealth, a perfect job, or an exceptional relationship. In fact, it's possible to know happiness with no job, very little money, and no significant other. Happiness is a by-product of a healthy attitude. And a healthy attitude is one that takes the normal turmoil of life. I am in charge of my attitude today. Happiness is a choice I can make regardless of what the people around me are doing."
A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey --- Submitted by Steven Wingell


" When I try hard, don't succeed and see only darkness; when I have no hope and decide to give it up, God shows omens of his existence and gives me the best I deserve."
Pradnya Potdar

" When the weight of the world becomes your problem, you need to trust in God and leave it all in his hands and he will see you through. Until then, chill out and let God have his way."
Author Unknown --- Submitted by Kretika L. --- North Carolina

I Just Had My High School Life' Flashed' Before My Eyes

Pre-examination look:

- unruly eyebrows
- scratched marks and black spots on the face
- stressed induced hair drop
-weight oh weight-i have put on weight =(
-24 hour coffee smelling breath
- black circles around the eye
- white of the eye turning red in the evening
-a constantly beating heart

Haloha, I don't usually blog during exams-having a major exam. But anyways , thought I will write down what happened today before I loose my sentiments attached to the event of the day.By the way those description above are only applicable to me before major exams. I got up this morning with a somewhat depressed- somewhat scared- somewhat giving up feeling. Had to go see a lecturer today to clear some issues with attendance. But I was already not feeling that good about today. However, I went and got things settle. Than I met another lecturer ( you know the same person whom I spoke about in My Life: Less Than 48 hours- Part 2) to get my marks. Than we were discussing the answers. She complemented me=) it went something like this " You are an intelligent girl, you have answered very well, continue and do the same for your finals". As we were talking , she said " Don't run away from life". I am like huh??? Why suddenly? Out of the blue. But it sounded right, like a lesson someone needed to put through right into my head. " Don't be stressed, study, don't think of your problems, I know its not easy, keep them apart, even till now it affects me, but you have to do your best, all for your father, be a good doctor, and He will bless you". " God takes something and gives something else, you at least have your sisters to depend on." I teared. I hung my head down and silently thank her and was brought back to the past and suddenly reality hit me. Sometimes , just sometimes I wonder, why do I meet people like her,when, I am in the verge of giving up and breaking down and crying for the amount of stress I have, but she just gives me motivation out of the blue, its as if God told her to encourage me. I thanked her........(moments of silence for me to clear my thoughts).......... And made my way out of the office. So , as I was walking, these bunch of guys walked pass me. Suddenly, I heard someone shouting " Ruby". Huh? I am pretty sure I did not see anyone that I know in the last 6 feet distance. I turned and I see this guy walking up to me. Think Ruby , think , think fast, who is he??? Ringggg, oh my high school friend.Oh boy, it was surely nice to see him after, hmm, 6 years. I went like " Vicky?" "Yeah", came his response. Oh my god, "Vicky here? What are you doing?" Duh , obviously studying I thought to myself but you know I was all just excited to see a friend after such a long time.It was like a trip down memory lane just by seeing him. We spoke, and I got to know he joined my college after his college back in Padang was hit by earthquake. After which, we said our goodbyes. About 10 feet distance from me, he shouted and said " You have not changed!" I am like , oh my god , just strike my mind I am not all well dressed up today- With my extra pounds, hair tied into a bun, undone eyebrows, NO Eyeliner and mascara( the worst of all) , and a all scratched up face? Damn. Okay the thing is I would have like to see an old friend in a much more presentable way- you know like at least I have evolved in the last 6 years! God, I..., well, felt extremely disappointed and like really crushed=( I felt like telling him, " Hey buddy, check me out after 3 months okay? Now like I am having my finals, I am not really myself" but unfortunately, I could not shout in the presence of others. I just smiled and walked away. Well yeah, that was exactly how my morning was. I was happy to see him but was saddened later.But he is a smart guy, said it at quite a distance, or else I would have had him turned upside down and swallow back his words! Hehe. No doubt he has grown into one fine man.

P/S= Can't wait for the exams to be over! Please pray for me=) Love you people.

Believing,Faith,Soaring High,Not Giving Up

The World is what we think it is. If we can change our thoughts, we can change the world.

-H.M. Tomlinson

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

-Arthur Rubinstein

Two men look out through the same bars; one sees the mud and the other one the stars.

-Frederick Langbridge

The mind is like a river; upon its waters thoughts float through in a constant procession every conscious moment. You stand on a bridge over it and can stop and turn back any thought that comes along. The art of contentment is to let no thought pass that is going to disturb you.

-Dr. Frank Crane

A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.

-Ken Keyes, Jr.

One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes a success of his life.

-Edward B. Butler

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's mind.

-Mark Twain

man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm.

-Charles Schwab

We do not see things they are. We see them as we are.

-Talmud

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.

-Confucius

There is a basic law that like attracts like. Negative thinking definitely attracts negative results. Conversely, if a person habitually thinks optimistically and hopefully, his positive thinking sets in motion creative forces -- and success instead of eluding him flows toward him.

-Norman Vincent Peale

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

-Marcus Aurelius (A.D. 121-180)

The real secret of happiness is simply this: to be willing to live and let live, and to know very clearly in one's own mind that the unpardonable sin is to be an unpleasant person.

-Galen Starr Ross

This is the best day the world has ever seen. Tomorrow will be better.

-R.A. Campbell

Act as if you were already happy and that will tend to make you happy.

-Dale Carnegie

It's Never Easy Being A Mom

( I got this while browsing the net.Hope it makes your day. Goes to tell how being a mum is not easy. Guess,baking and kids don't go hand in hand=)

Mom's new recipe

Mom's Brownies Recipe

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.

Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.

Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."

Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.

Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.

Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.

Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.

Let cat out of refrigerator.

Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.

Bake 25 minutes.

Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.

Frosting

Mix the following in saucepan:

1 cup sugar

1 oz unsweetened chocolate

1/4 cup margarine

Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far away.

Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Jr had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Jr in playpen.

Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.

Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.

Tie Billy to clothesline.

Remove burned brownies from oven

23 And Don't Feel Like One

Its exactly 23 years today, since my existence in this world. Yup,its my birthday.So,Happy Birthday to me. I was supposed to have completed my notes today, but, nop, had a change in plan. In total, I would have at least spend 3 hours on the phone today, that too two hours continuously. Now,I am finding myself having difficulties concentrating on anything.I think its the after effect of using the hand phone--- probably an estimated 10 % of my brain cells would have been dead by now=(. I actually feel the difference=) Forgive me, if you find myself crapping, but I am in the phase between "Shall I stay up and study" or " Shall I go to bed".I can feel my eyes burning! Honestly all I wanted to do was to write about life in the past 23 years.Now, that I am staring at the screen to type away, there is no output. Well, I think the "input" must have got destroyed with the cells. Anyway, quite a slow day, did not feel all the " Oh Yes Its My Day Today". Just felt like any other normal day. Got too emotional at one point of time. But, God is great know? He send me a cake and wishes in the form of my housemates! So,yes, for that I am grateful. Well,I think I am going to go to bed after all. Don't think the cup of coffee is going to make any difference. There were many things I learned this week from my friends, some really worth full lessons of life.Will share it with you guys soon.Have a blessed and splendid day ahead.And once again,Happy Birthday to me- what? Hey, it was the day I was born, I need credit for it=) Love you people. Oh by the way, I saw a picture of Susan Boyle today and I think she has got a nice hair do that suits her face. And, hmm,well, I actually think Adam Lambert looks good! I think its the eyeliner and spiked up hair and the.. well so not bad smile.

I Need To Keep Going

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.
George S. Patton

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra

We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Life:Less than 48 hours (part 2)

So, this is how it goes- Yesterday, all happy and energetic I drove to the station to get myself train tickets to go back this weekend in which I will have to skip one day of my hospital posting.This is for my lovely sister's registration cum engagement. I told myself I am going to be part of it, plus its only ENT (ear,nose and throat) posting, does not really matter. So ,yeah I bought the tickets. One of the students from this new group told me that class is at 9, but I had no idea he was referring to the clinics and not the days where my lecturer will be taking me. Hence, the second day, which is today, I was late for class about 20 minutes ( it started at 8.30). But cool,she has not started the class yet. So, I assumed she must be talking something irrelevant at the start of the class. But little did I know it was me she was talking about. After 5 minutes, it registered to her that I was there. That's when she mentioned that she has told the group not to proxy for me and get me into trouble and this is the best part " I have told them to be strict with you". All I had to say, was "okay doc, okay doc". Now tell me, firstly, whom exactly did I ask to cover up for me???None! I have been coming to the classes. And this is not even my own group and I am just warming up to them, so who on earth am I supposed to trust to do anything? I have learned not to trust anyone, it takes me ages to gain some one's trust! Even this I can digest. But when she uttered this "I have told them to be strict with you" - all I wanted to do was to run away somewhere! Common lady, who the hell are these people to be strict with me.They are there just like me to learn! They are not even some house officers or medical officers to be strict with me. And worst still they are my juniors. What an impression have you created about myself in front of them, made it sound like I play truant all the time!!!Life can be weird at times, you go the right way and you get picked on all the time.Give me a break! And mind you this was the same lady, who hugged me and told me her stories-how she grew up, how she was treated and some personal things and she was the same person who told me to be strong because at times like this people will bully you. So , you can imagine how shocked I was.The least you could have done was to call me separately and talk to me, & not to do it in front of a whole bunch of new students!God, madness! Honestly, how much more do I need to go through??? I did not say much after that. Just needed to talk to my mum, which I did after the class. And after that, exactly the same time yesterday when I went to buy my tickets, I returned it. The plan for this week has been cancelled! Guess, I will be going for the class after all. I have been quite prominent nowadays due to my deferment of studies and with all those jumping of batches, that I get noticed all the time. Frustrating! I will just hang on till I am done with my finals, till I get my life back on the right track. Though deep down I know she is a nice person, but yet I felt really hurt. Maybe she meant good but her choice of word and place was just not appropriate. At times, it just hits me so badly, that I wonder what am I doing in this field. Do I have the passion for it- I can't answer and I am hoping to find out one day and yet I give my best( I believe in giving my best in anything I do, I don't quit!)... What I have learned in this past one year five months to be exact is some doctors can be quite demanding, they constantly forget they are humans and not God! Some can squeeze your every last bit of energy from your pores and leave you with no room to breathe...

A Little Confession

It sure is a wonderful morning.I had long hours of sleep yesterday after being deprived of sleep due to my exams for the past 2 days. I had my OSCE exams-some question and answer sessions with the lecturers, and performing some tasks. For my psychiatry station , I was supposed to counsel my lecturer on anxiety. Look at the irony, I am the one with the anxiety, but I am counseling a psychiatrist not to be anxious. (I-yai-yai)! By the way, glad its over, now its time to prepare for my professional exams. So yeah, back to this wonderful morning, as usual, I started my day, firstly by praying, second coffee, and third my mommy.Yup, called her. She told me that she called me up yesterday night and spoke with me, and I am like what?, not again! I have this problem, when I am dead tired and deprived of sleep, I repeat ,DEAD tired, you can give me a call and talk, I will reply everything you ask, in fact you can find me telling you more P&C things, and yet I will never know I spoke to you about it. Hmm, come to think of it, it is something similiar to a guy getting pissed drunk and blabbering anything and once he has come to his senses, he can't remember.Well with me , it occurs when I am pissed-tired. Anyway as we were talking, slowly the conversation drifted to how kids sometimes take money without parents knowledge to buy some things from the tuck shop in school. Suddenly,it rings a bell, I was brought back to, hmm, 14 years ago,when I was in primary school. I remember taking a few coins without my sister's permission from her money collecting box to buy myself something from the tuck shop. And also, there was this one time I took a pretty butterfly brooch from my mum without my mum's knowledge to school to show it to my friends. What I had in my mind at that time was, I must share the beauty of man's creation with others.I swear that was my only intention but what happened was, as I was crossing the wooden bridge in my school, the brooch decided to jump out of my hands and in it went, between the wooden planks into the big drain. I wouldn't really say I was crushed but more like I had an image of myself standing in front of my mum for a second and I was scared. What was I going to tell her??? So, I decided to keep the brooch and money stories to myself. Just like a dark secret buried deep within me. But, just now, as I was talking to mum, I confessed. She giggled. Told her I was sorry. Well, what can I say, I was just a kid. But anyways, I owe my sister an apology. So,here goes.Sham chechi , if you are reading this, I am SORRY. I am the one who took your money,only a few coins though=) No, really I am sorry. I had no guts to admit it last time, but I think you should know about it.

P/S= I will call her and apologize later. By the way, any of you people have taken anything without anybody's permission when you were kids? Let me know...

Halloween Treats

CHOCOLATE PEPPERMINT BAR COOKIES

FINGER COOKIES

BRAIN CUPCAKES

FRUIT AND NUTS CHOCOLATE CHUNKS

HOMEMADE MARSHMALLOWS

HALLOWEEN SPIDER WEB COOKIES

HOSTS OF GHOSTS

CHOCOLATE S'MORE PIE

BLEEDING HEART CUPCAKES

YUM! YUM! YUM! These are some of the mouth-watering Halloween treats. Delicious rite? Anyways, I came across this site which offers all the wonderful recipes on almost everything. Just Google 'epicurios'. It goes by the tag line-for people who love to eat=) Love this site. Can't wait for my exams to over & to start baking. Do try it and let me know if you do.Adios!Love ya...

Look,What The Hot Sun Has Done To My Brains

The setting: Driving Sylvia on a bridge on the way to campus.

Time: Noon

What happened? : I just had an unexpected conversation taking place at the back of my head. A thought people, don't get confused. Anyway, here it goes.

Boy: Why don't you sleep with me?

Girl: I really love you, I do, but I can't.

Boy: Why? Don't you trust me. You are not the only one giving yourself to me, look at me, I am also giving myself ( body) to you.

Girl: Duh, you are the one with d..k(please fill in yourselves) , not the uterus!

My question?/ Just wondering: Had any guys in their life uttered this line"You are not the only one giving yourself to me, look at me, I am also giving myself ( body) to you", though I am pretty sure "Don't you trust me" is an universal language for guys.


P/S: I had no idea where that came from, I think its the hot sun and the bridge to be blamed=)

Life - The Way I Create It

Life is like an unmelted piece of gold served before your eyes. Sparkly and shiny. The one who owns it is the master. Usually the rich and hails from a pool of famous genes. The ones who don’t, works hard for it. It is the cause of glamour and popularity. It is also the cause for jealousy and envy Life is as such; like an unmelted gold waiting to be molded, or shall I say to be lived. Every nook and corner is dealt with delicately, in the best interest of the owner. What happens if there is fault in the making of that particular gold earring or chain or ring? Do we throw it? No, we simply unmelt and remake it. What if its life? Every road crossed, every path taken, there is always a rough ride and bumps. Can we stop and restart? Never! Instead every misfortune is taken in as an experience or an opportunity to smoothen our journey as we go, to cross every hurdle. You be the guide, the pilot, the captain of the ship! Sail your boat to your destination. You can if you believe it. Never let anyone tell you, you can’t. Don’t let them decide. Just remember, any problem can be solved. Talk. They (whoever it is involved) are also humans. There are too many good things out there in the world, hence there is no time for regrets, brooding, and feeling sorry. Seize the day and live every moment of it. Say sorry if it is your mistake. Be thankful for all the smallest tiniest reasons, for it may be less important, BUT it is still important. Don’t be judgmental. Get to know the person. Live life to the fullest each day!

P/S: Quoting my mum " Never say die before you try!"

My Life:Less Than 48 hours

Aloha! Happy Diwali! Its never too late to wish,I hope. Mine was somewhat a quiet celebration.First day was all gloomy,the second day was more like a celebration with all the relatives around.Despite all, the absence of the one person is still felt- felt incomplete! Just a minute--- hmm, the last bite from my black forest ice-cream, yum yum! I have always wondered why is it called as such-black forest???They were not kidding when they say the 22nd bite is the best-all chocolate-y giving u an euphoric state! Anyways, nowadays, I eat ice-cream on special occasions- did I hear you ask what's the occasion? Well, even if you don't ask I wanna tell--> I successfully manage to go through the day with 2 different batches of students. The first was not so bad, it was my ophthalmology new group, actually more like I am the new student in a group of 9 students! A friend of mine decided to introduce me rather loudly. I had 5 pair of eyes looking down at me.The boys said "hi" and I just said my name. The rest of the time, I was reading the book on my lap.No, not reading, repeating the first two words of the sentence, which made no sense to me! I was hardly concentrating! Next,came the lab session in the noon with my juniors. About 6o students in the class...my heart was racing against my brain's impulses from not jumping out of my body, but thanks to my strong rib cages, it just remain there. Than, I was done for the day.Now, I have just one bunch of peers to go with for the next 6 weeks. Oh by the way, I end the day with my lecturer telling me that I have to join another batch of students in a few months time, hmm..great I thought to myself,what have I got myself into. Anyways, everything happens for a reason in life! Have a blessed day. Love ya...

I Ain't Perfect

Holla! Have you ever wonder why is it at times we are surrounded by our family members and yet there is a feeling of loneliness? Its like a missing piece of jigsaw puzzle; once the last piece is fixed its complete! Even frustrating when you can't find an answer to why you are feeling as such. We come up with reasons like no one understands me, no one pays attention to me, I am not important and stuff like that. Though it can be true, and I don't deny we all need someone in life, but at the end of the day it all boils down to us. Yes, you! We can't change much about how others perceive us or how people don't care for us enough; come to think of it everyone have their problems too, hence it is not possible to be there all the time, but what we can do is--> self-motivate! I don't think you have any choice. This is a crazy world with crazy people apart from the normal ones.It is more like for us to learn the art of survival in this world. Take the good things as it comes, and learning how to ignore insane humans is definitely necessary to survive. Or not you will probably end up living with negativity surrounding you. I am still learning to improve myself. I am probably only 35% well trained about the amount of shit there is out there and how to cope with it. Still in the learning process. But nevertheless, I try to improve myself. With all that said, I want to share a website with you people. It teaches you how to look at life positively, and to cope with all the different feelings you get each day!

http://www.life-with-confidence.com/

Hope this helps you. Take five minutes each day to read. Maybe not now but it will be handy someday.May your day be blessed with happiness.Take Care.

Be positive!

This post is dedicated to my loosing weight plans.Each time I drop a kg, I will get this page filled up. Of course, the time period for it would be till February 2010. Anthony Robbins said always link pain to whatever you do. It is the pain that pushes you to achieve what you want.Don't settle for the temporary pleasure.So here goes. Putting up this post itself is causing me tremendous pain=) Anyways wish me luck! Oh yes,before I forget to mention, this page will be self - destructed on Feb 28 2010 if there are no entries!Adios!

Oh Why, Oh Why Mr.Sparks?

"Nights In Rodanthe , A Walk To Remember, The Notebook, Message In A Bottle."They are all great books with great stories.Each of this book is very well written. Their love stories, oh so wonderful,makes you want to fall in love! As you read it, you are brought into a different world.A world full of happiness, love, colours, spring time, chocolates-anything and everything that keeps you on top of the world.Along with the characters, you fall in love, in your own imaginary world. As you read, just about to hit the highest threshold level, suddenly you drop, why? Because, Mr.Sparks has already "murdered" one of the characters. Than, you cry buckets for it. The rest is history.As for someone like me who is emotionally oriented with everything I do, tears just flow and flow, and the rest of the day I will feel depressed, thinking that its so unfair that "he/she/they" have to die! I remember after reading Message In A Bottle, I cried and ran to mum, told her the synopsis of the story and complaining about the death of the character and how it put a stop to a beautiful love story. She told me to stop reading. "The author is using psychology to get his books sold.Probably you should write to him and ask."So, Mr.Sparks, if you happen to be reading this, why do you kill them, especially, in A Walk To Remember, I so thought it was unfair for her to find the love of her live only to have it for a short while. *Sigh* Nevertheless, you deserve credit for the best love stories written!I am not entirely sure how are the rest of his books, yet to be read.

p/s= Is the Hindi movie "U,Me Aur Hum" a remake of The Notebook?

The Other End Of The Line

This is my study-break movie.Don't understand?Each time I need a break from studies, you catch me watching this movie.It is too often, that I can watch the entire movie in one hour, cutting short the unnecessary part ( they should hire me to edit movies=) , keeping those that please me. It is a picture of a lady following her dreams. She works in a credit card company needing her to make calls and talking like an American.The one call that she makes, she felt a connection with the guy. Something magical she claims.And than she leaves to meet up with him. Oh, she is engaged by the way and yet that did not stop her. That's why I like it.Have you ever felt the connection when you speak to someone and than that instant you know you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Well, in this movie, her dream brings her to San Fransisco. Shriya acted well, but the way she spoke English makes me sick.It is as if she was forced to speak, made her look a little dumb. As for Jesse Metcalfe ( sweetheart) he just goes on charming everyone with his gorgeous smile. It is a must watch. Keeps you wondering if you ever happen to be in Shriya's place would you have taken the risk?

My Train Journey

Cool!I have never really blogged on a train journey.Yup,I am in a train on my way to meet my mummy dearest.I had no idea I can get connection from here.Talking about technology wonders! I just took a 10 min break to actually see if I can get on-line.And I did ( I am still in disbelief) =). Anyways, I bought a book to keep myself occupied and KFC to keep my tummy occupied ( had no heart to let her starve=)) Oh, the book would be "The God Of Small Things" by Arundhati Roy. My initial plan was to get Jodi Picoult's Changing Heart and hop into the train, but somehow, among all the books with wonderfully designed covers on the shelf, the book by Arundhati Roy caught my attention. So, yes, once again I followed my instinct and bought the book.The other thing that I did today or rather followed my instinct again was, I skipped class. It was with another batch of a whole new students. God, the fear, the anxiety just took over me.I asked what worse can happen, I would probably be called to the dean's office.They wouldn't slaughter me as a punishment,would they? So,what the hell, I did not go, instead drove to the train station to buy my tickets instead!Now, coming back to my train journey. I have got the upper berth.Oh by the way, they have got the world's tiniest stairs to get into the train. About four finger breadth. And, I as usual with my heavy bag and a bottom to go with it=) had to climb myself up.I went swinging at one point, before I could properly get myself to balance on the metal and was sure I had the gravity pull equally on both my legs, which was when I jumped into the train. Next,came the second challenge,remember I mentioned UPPER berth, yup you guessed it right, another flight of stairs ( not really flight) but this, I pull through successfully. My journeys are always filled with some readings, food, the beautiful scenes along the way ( in some places only though, cause most of the time its just green plants that pass by like lightning trying to keep in pace with the accelerating train), memories,memories,memories, then my hopes, daydreaming, tears, and finally sleep.Oh not to forget, my songs to keep me company.But, I keep forgetting my mp3 in these past two train journeys. But today,today is different, its blogging while on the move=) A whole new experience.Thrilling. I am sitting in a confined space on an 8 inch bed with white sheets behind the somewhat muddy green curtain typing away.Now,tell me, isn't that exciting. Hehe. Did I forget to mention that , the white and green are the only colours in the train besides the fluorescent light. Just, about half and hour ago, I had a friend send me a poem in Tamil, which she has promised to read to me the next time I see her. Just yesterday as we spoke, she told me about Santa Banta joke. I am like what??? Santa what? Not again. The eerie feeling just got back to me. The last time I spoke with a guy friend of mine, who was apparently telling me a knock knock joke, and was shocked to find out I had no reaction after he said knock knock, ( I had no idea I was supposed to say something, so I did what I am best at , just listened,anyways come to think of it, the whole situation turn out to be a joke,haha),now its Santa Banta taking over. I just laughed my head out thinking...not again.Is there an universal classification for jokes or something which I am missing out on? Oh by the way, I have always visualised one of my train journey to turn out to be like the one from Varnam Aiyaram or Jab We Met, but my lucky stars have a mind of their own. May be one day , I might find my Surya or Shahid *wink,wink* Well, I always thought the fact that I am taking the berth had an impact of me not seeing Mr.Right yet (come to think of lame reasons to satisfy my emotinal curiosity)

Yet To Be Discovered...

When the breeze of love finds my way
I stopped in my path,
I felt the connection
Instantly I knew a new road will be laid
An adventure,
We will both discover together
We will stick by each other,
As we unfold the mystery of love
And we shall leave our trails along the way,
As a living proof of our wonderful journey
It would be a history,
In the future
About the everlasting love there ever was...

Did I Hear You Say Saree? See, Now I Am Grinning

Holla=) Hope you people had a wonderful weekend. I know I did. What I did? SHOPPING! And this was not your typical walk into the stores and walk out with a bag of Prada or Gucci or DKNY. It was what I call the "cultural-shopping". Yup, it was Saree-shopping. Oh my lord, do you know the feel it gives you. It was like entering an ice cream parlour. I felt the thrill and excitement of a 7 year old. Colours , just name it, gorgeous designs, materials as soft as the feel of ice cream slidding down your throat, hmmm....yummy! Ahh, I feel like screaming, being blinded by all these wonderful man-made creation. I don't want to leave this place. The 4 hour experience was like having heaven flashed before my eyes. The yellow georgette saree was similar to the lemon meringue ice cream, and then there was the rusty brown Saree with sequins work on it which reminded me of a perfectly blended chocolate ice cream "designed" with chocolate rice=) I only had patience that lasted for 10 minutes, before I start digging in=) I pulled out nicely folded Sarees and practically everything that my hands could reach. I, ( would be wrong to use I its more like we- my sisters and mum, remember when committing a crime-like act, always include the rest so that it would not reflect too bad on you) had the man tie up the Saree for us, more than one piece of course.It was hard to satisfy my Saree liking cause my only problem seem to be I am in love with all the Sarees. But, when I came to my senses I knew I had to make one choice- and it was the white Saree with pretty flower motifs and a turquoise border splendidly designed with sequin hand-work that caught my eye. You know what I felt that day when I left, I wanted to do it again, the whole experience was simply perfect and I felt happy. Anyway, when I was back home , we sat and planned out our Saree blouse designs.And, I am sticking with my halter neck. A change for once! Once I am done with that, its time for the perfect shoes and the accessories to go with it=) It is never easy to be a women!Too many choices, too little aspirin=) Now, what I really need is a change in career. A Saree model perhaps? I would love too

R.I.P

KEITH FLOYD
You defined art in a new way
Colours apart, taste was your priority,
Zesty,tangy,spicy,sweet...
Whatever it is,
You delivered "love" in each serving,
And this art will forever be missed...

PATRICK SWAYZE

"You danced your way into our hearts..."
You will forever be remembered!

Men Vs Boys

"Choose a man, he knows when to pamper you, when to spoil you and how to take care of your needs, understanding and definitely more matured"

This were the words of a friend I spoke to the other day. Just days after that, another girlfriend of mine told me about how her boyfriend won her heart. And of course,he was a man, not a boy. "What's the difference?" I asked. "Well, a boy gets you a 60 dollars watch whereas a man a 300 dollars watch." Oh, the price difference,I thought. Again it is not fair to classify them like that, I think to a certain extent it depends on their socioeconomic status, don't you? But, anyways, I know what she really meant. It goes something like this:

"The truest difference between the man and the boy: The man is aiming at a goal; the boy is drifting aimlessly"
~ Author unknown~

And hats off to Jessara, for her opinion on it.She said it all!

“Boys are students: Men are teachers

Boys are consumers: Men are producers

Boys play with toys: Men work with tools

Boys break things: Men make things

Boys ask questions: Men give answers

Boys are disruptive: Men bring order

Boys run in gangs: Men organize teams

Boys play house: Men build homes

Boys shack up: Men get married

Boys make babies: Men raise children

A boy won’t raise his own children: A man will raise his and somebody else’s

( LOVE THIS )

Boys invent excuses for failure: Men produce strategies for success

Boys look for somebody to take care of them: Men look for somebody to take care of

( HOW TRUE)

Boys are present-centered; Men are time-balanced, having knowledge of the past and understanding of the present and a vision for the future

Boys seek popularity: Men demand respect

Boys are up on the latest: Men are down with the GREATEST.”

PS- boys are a waste of time, and men are hard to find.

( CLASSIC!)

This Is Real...Pinch Me!

I feel like I am on a bullet train.Its going and going and I don't know my destination. I feel like leaves flying along with the wind, taking me somewhere,anywhere, a place only the wind knows. Within a span of 1 year ,I am traveling on this train.Along the way, I experienced both the ups and downs of life.From the worried lines on dad's face, to the first tear rolling down his cheeks, the last breath he took, the heartbreak I felt ever since, the way "she" cried and cried every day, from the day I told myself I will be strong, to the day I realize I have learn to be responsible, the day I knew I want to stand on my own feet doing things for my family, to the day I knew I have lost my good friend, and the days I cried myself to sleep, so often wanting to be pampered and to be hugged, and till now, this very moment, when mum told me about the wedding bells that will soon be heard in my house, I cried---tears of Joy! I spoke to him today, like any other day I would if He was around. Somewhere not seen by my eyes, I know He is there, to bless my sister, He will be a part of it...

******

I am still on this train... For every blink of an eye I take, everything changes...

Let It Be Me For Once

There are supposed to be loads of things I am supposed to have already posted in here, but unfortunately due to my unscheduled life for the year 2009, everything is in a delay. My first commitment to myself for the past few days is to lose weight ( yes I know, the same old thing again, I can almost hear some of my friends laughing, cause trust me I say this line almost all the time---like a ritual actually, lost a little-involuntarily!- during the WORST times of my life) But right now, I am talking about some serious weight lost. Arrggh! On the other hand, I like working out, I feel good. Just have to put in the extra effort. Anyways, I was just thinking... Do you realize we often hurt the feeling of the one's we love most? Be it your best friend/mother/dad/sis/bf/gf -I know I do ( I am not proud of it either).Its not on purpose at times. Its just all these frustration and anger in me that builds up and the inability for me to let it out to the one's who actually triggered it, and my constant need for myself to be understood that ends up with me arguing with the ones who holds a special place in my heart. Most of the time, its my mum. But I count my blessings, cause I could not ask for more than a mother like mine who has all the world's patience too totally understand me.I will be lost in her absence. All these ridiculous behavior of mine & my so called "insanity" is best tolerated by my mum. I remember a friend telling me his mum is like an angel, what do you call mine? She takes the highest position in the line of angels! The other part of me that is kept in constant questioning is my friends. At least I used to think I used to have a friend I am closed too, someone who knows me in and out, but I never knew things will change in life, the fact that I was left alone at the time I needed her the most, has left a wound that never seem to close! The feeling of trusting someone wholeheartedly and only to know I was least significant was the most unforgettable experience in life.Though it had thought me valuable lessons-never to trust and never to get attached! Be neutral in anything and everything you do, cause people change, things change and only some of us who belief in true friendship, honesty and all these crap that gets back stabbed end of the day. What do we do? We just question why did that happen,why, why,why and you will never find an answer for it anyway, so don't bother asking. I never told my problems , my heartbreaks, and my bad day to anyone.When the world shuts it's door for them, I am always there with a welcoming smile.You can find my name at the bottom of the list. I am every body's "seasonal" good friend. I am always on the receiving end- always listening to every body's personal life stories and brightening their lonely days. I used to wonder how come no one asks me how I am feeling. Being cheerful does not mean I do not have my tough times.For once I would like a shoulder to cry on, that too a loud cry cause there are times when I feel extremely scared,timid, torn apart and vulnerable...

I'm Wine

I sat at the corner. I looked around. There were beautiful colours everywhere with soft music in the background. Imagine a black paper splashed with rich red,pretty purple,bold blue, and oh-so lovely orange.I see people everywhere. Happy people.Why is she laughing I wondered? He must have said something funny.I thought to myself. A stage? Yes, there is one with a keyboard and a guitar on the floor with a big banner or cloth ( not too sure) with the word "Manila Spice" written on it. Manila Spice??? It does not ring a bell! I eavesdropped my owner saying "They are the hot gals from Manila. " Hot=Spice, right, that made sense , these girls sing and dance till the morning hours. Cool, I thought.Can't wait for them to start and spice things up.Oh by the way, people call me Malibu. I just sit in a glass house. I see the world outside through my transparent walls. And , I have a friend.She is called the "cherry". I never questioned but we always come together.
Inseparable. She either gets eaten up at the very beginning of the journey or later on once my owner is done with me. Whatever it is our life span is roughly about 40 minutes to an hour,if lucky we get an extra 1 hour. I love to just sit and observe people.I am what u call the observer of life. I managed to make a 360 degree turn with the help of my owner.
Wait a minute, it is the same lady, but the man? Oh my god, its a different guy! The lady, a Filipino, walked in with a well dressed gentleman.They got their drink and took a sit by the counter. Within an hour, some other older guy is sitting in his place. She looked uncomfortable and her eyes was scanning the room for the well dressed gentleman, but he was nowhere to be seen. Next I knew the crowd was cheering..Oh, its the spice gals, dancing and moving their stuff on stage. They look "fleshy".

*** my life span has just got shorter ***

After one session of the performance, one of the gals walked up to my owner's table and shook hands with all of them. Remember the old man sitting with the lady? He was talking to one of this gals with his hands taking the "opportunity" to touch them. Such a jerk! To my left, I saw this girl, she had a body hugging dark mysterious looking purple dress on her.Wow, lovely dress. By the way, this "purple-girl" looked like she was on trance (medically thinking, looked like she is having an Xtreme epilepsy!) She went on and on dancing with her 6 inch heels, man, how on earth did she managed to do that. She practically dirty-danced with every men there. I am lost for words. I was lost in my thoughts.. Just one more sip, and I will be gone. My friend, tequila, will be taking over my place shortly.Oh cherry is also gone! What a life? I thought. I never understood why some people behave as such, is it stress that is getting to you or purely attention that you need... Whatever is it, I know I can't do anything, I only observe, cause my name is wine...

Aliaune Badara Akon Thiam

After deleting four different starting lines , now, I am just being purely honest and off to writing down everything and anything that comes to my mind.First "honesty", I have just got the first up-close look at his picture.I have seen snippets of him in the magazines before, and that's pretty much of my obsession with him. Okay, let me put it this way , I have this mega-mega (I have no idea if such word really exist, but I was trying to sound exaggerating cause I really like him , and it had been a rather "flat" day , & my moods aren't that high, and yet I insist on writing on him write now,though I do realize I am not writing with all the emotions and so I thought I would rather insert a few words here and there to let know of my liking) (Forgive me if I sound insane, but I think its the coffee) obsession over him, but not referring to him directly, its his songs.Yes, I just realize I LOVE his songs more than him. His songs always had the perfect music and words to it ( I know, his songs are what we would call"raw or to open or to straight to the point"), but nevertheless, it does not seem to bother me much, cause it had always been a turn on! I don't mind listening to it anytime of the day and in what-so-ever mood I am. It still sounds perfect to me. And my second "honesty" is that, I had know idea his full name is Aliaune Badara Akon Thiam. What's worst , I just looked up about him on the net 5 minutes ago before I decided to post a blog on him!*** The real thing is I have always liked him, like a lot, or at least that's what I always meant , but it just struck me that I am in love with the man only for his songs and his unique voice( many refer to him as a singer who sings through his nose, whatever it is, nose or mouth, still only he can produce the most turning-on songs!). Once I was caught in a conversation with a friend on our way to work.Being the usual me, my hand instantaneously increased the volume when Akon's song was playing filling the car with all the turn-on molecules and bringing me into my own fantasy land and already having choreographed a dance step for the song , and of course seeing myself dancing to the tune, ignoring my colleagues laughter and conversation.Than , out of the blue, my friend asked "He is an American mix right? Akon?". I froze for a while, hmm, wait just a second I am getting back to the back of my mind for a piece of information about him....damn! it is not there, it never was! Simply because I never checked on him at all, I could not even have a clear picture of his face in my head! How on earth did that make me a fan? I, of course said " Oh, I am not sure" instead of definitely saying "I don't know". Than it had me thinking, should I only be labeled a loyal fan if I knew in and out about him.Honestly, the man is a singer, and his duty is to sing. And I love him, but its not him the person , its him the song.So,what's all these fuss about not knowing his origin and his life story? I mean c'mmon, I am not marrying this man , am I? ( Though I doubt, I would go so in depth when it comes to my own man one day) But the thing is, when it comes to an actor , it is different, first you fall for his looks than the way he acts, next thing you know, you will know all the information about him. I think it is the interest that hits you once you have a look at the actual person behind the voice that spur us to check the whole detail on him-right from the time he was born to the current life of his! So, the next time, I say I like Akon, I think ( not particularly sure at this moment cause I just had a close look at him and I think he might have created some interest in me, so the feeling is due to change in the days to come but for now this is it) I mean his songs. Oh, yes the other thing besides the songs, will be his body, well toned and perfect=) And, oh yes , I have taught my buddy( me mother) to pronounce his name.... " Ma, this is my favorite singer-Akon" and she being herself , never fails to pull through the day without purposely stepping on my nerves & went on to say " Oh, that's easy Air-Cond" ...." No, ma, its Akon, A...THAN KON" .. " Yes, that's what I said Air-Cond" Arrghhh! Frustration, yet I thought it was kinda cute and funny=) It was more like teaching Detective Clouseau to pronounce "hamburger"!