Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Mask

My heart is aching.I wish I can capture this moment. Seize everything - my friends, my time , friendship, wishing everything will be back to normal. Being in the same circle of friends , and sharing the same joy. The moment this exams are over , things are going to be very different. For once in life if I ever love the existence of exam , is during this period of my life , just being in the company of old friends, doing the same things as them. I feel like screaming out loud asking Lord why this has to happen this way? I know the answer won't be apparent now , but someday, I am hoping HE will show me the answer, there has to be a reason for all these! Till then the clock is ticking... You know when people say there are different chapters in life , this is just one of it , that I am going through , I do realize , but when I think with my heart and use emotions along with it , I can't control my tears. At times , just once , I wish I am emotionless! Its funny ,people around me don't seem to realize I have a heart , well of course , all my laughter overrules all the tears. So, the sadness is masked!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I Am A Teddy Bear

Why does she keep staring at me? I can see the warmth in her eyes and the love in her heart.She runs to me when she needs someone to hear her cry her heart out. I do nothing, I just listen cause I am a good listener. She hugs me when she wants to feel secure. I wish I can do the same in return but I can't cause my movements are restricted, I only move around when she thinks of taking me with her. She fights for my rights especially when it comes to her brother , who constantly thinks she is stupid to be with me , he calls it "childish for her age". But he can't see what I see. She has everything, a mum , a dad , a brother yet she feels lonely! She has no one to console her, to cheer her up, to give her a big hug and to tell her everything is going to be fine. He cant see her heart like I do. And, today she looked at me for a very long time , with tears rolling down her cheeks wetting the bed linen, then she took some photos out and kept staring at them, then she wrote a note and left it on the bed.She looked crushed! She came to me and gave me a big hug. Why do I feel this was going to be my last hug? She walked to the drawer and took out a bottle and gulp the pungent smelling liquid...about a second later , she laid motionless on the floor. I was CRUSHED! I no its the end, I won't have anyone for myself anymore. I wish I could have done something to stop her. And who am I? She calls me "teddy"!


Why do we have expectations in life? Why when we met people , we expect them to be like what we want(not referring to looks, but the way they treat us) or rather expect them to do things that we think they will do, when they don't, we get really dissapointed and crushed. Though its hard, it is always better to be yourself , do your part and give without asking, without expectations! Cause trust me, the after effect of not being appreciated, of not being bothered will get to us, then the dissapointment will set in. Life is beautiful but our feelings and emotions will distract us, will get us out the right track.It will take some time to get back on track after that, will feel "derailed"! But as humans, its never easy , guess that "s what makes us grow each day , we get tune to things in life after all the heart break! I like people whom are themselves, I dont trust girls and guys who are so called innocent and naive , I like those who speak their mind, those who potray their true self. I never used to be like this but I have seen so many of those so called "nice" people who has intentions but they are all covered cause of the looks and pretentious characters. The only credit that goes to them- such good actors! Such is life , we fall then we climb...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

And He Is...

My childhood was filled with his images, telenovelas and any songs featuring him. Being the typical girl , there is no nonsense when it comes to seeing him in the black box. My view will be fixed to the screen.It is as if I am living in my own world, my own fantasies and falling in love with the man who barely knows I exist. Yet , those moments was so precious. Just had a thought of him...And his name? Nelson Ricardo Alamo Flores! Better known to me as Santiago --> see, my heart just skipped a beat=)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Momma's Day

"Happy Mother's Day!"
~ to all the wonderful women that proudly holds the title 'mother'
~ to my Suseela ( my lovely mother) who puts up with all my irrationalities
~ to Suja chechi , the proud "owner" of two kids
~ to my other 2 sisters , though the title is not there yet, your care and love is in par with mum's
~finally to me=)
( hey I really got the wishes , my friends claim that I scold like a mother and care like one as well, so fair enough, I accept the title , though I am not particularly sure when I do the scolding part, hmm..)

Anyways, lets spread the joy and love to all.Tomorrow , will be a brighter day, so jolly up! Smile or hug the person next to you, makes your day and theirs. Oh by the way, I want to share this poem that someone send me.Its about women, I love it!

A woman...
One of the most beautiful creation of GOD
You can feel her innocence in form of a daughter
You can feel her care in the form of a sister
You can feel her warmth in the form of a friend
You can feel her passion in the form of a beloved
You can feel her dedication in form of wife
You can see her divinity in form of mother
You can see her blessings in form of grandma

How true? Yet we are called the complicating ones???=)

Saturday, May 9, 2009

You Tell Me

I read this phrase from a book today and I liked it immediately.You do the interpretation for it, I have done mine. Its from the book "Little lessons to live a big live" by David Avrin. I want to get this book very soon. I would have presented it to my dad if he was physically around, because with just flipping trough a few pages and reading it I fell in love with the writing.Its worth reading and meaningful. Once I get it and I am done with the reading, will pass it to someone who deserves it!

"Live a life worth remembering so that you won't be afraid of selling your house parrot to the town gossip"

Clueless But I Think I Know Who...

Do you believe in miracles? When its plainly put like that you may say no, but what if you experience it? One thing for sure , I did experience and I do believe! I met with an accident last week (May 1 st).A bike hit my car in front of the temple. My already depressing day had just got worse I thought! Me ALONE and accident??? , even the thought of it shudders me! But ,life is not a smooth ride,right?Anyway,I cursed of course ( though how many of those self help books and motivating books you read, when you are put in the situation , you would definitely curse! Can you imagine me saying something like " Oh Angel!" or "Oh Love!" when I just got hit, you would probably think I have gone insane!) and parked Sylvia, and came out to confront whatever just happened.Oh by the way, the man fell off , with bruises and all in the hand and his side mirror was broken and yes, with at least 8 to 10 people gathering in the area. I walked up to him with the worried face of course and asked him if he was okay. He had the annoyed face on and looked beyond me as if he was searching for something. Infact all of them were looking for the car! Huh??? For a moment, I was kinda blur. All of them , mind you all, did not recognize me , it was as if I am not existing there. The only guy who knew I was the driver of the car just smiled and left.I was waiting for a good 5 minutes, thinking what is going to happen with these whole lot of people standing there , but one thing for sure they are on his side though it was his mistake.I had all sort of questions running in my mind, but with god's grace I faded in their vision.Probably,they all have cataract? I don't know, I could 't think of anything else. So I walked up to Sylvia and drove off, still with the thought that someone would come running after me but of course none of those happened! I just sat in temple and was still in shock of what just took place, not the accident per say, but the fact that no one sees me standing there! Well, Sham told me that I am gifted cause I have just met not one but 10 ghosts=) haha, had a good laugh! Anyway the other thing she told me could be the best possible explanation, it could have been my GUARDIAN ANGEL...

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Bruce Lee Said So...

  • Absorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your own.
  • Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.
  • Simplicity is the last step of art.
  • A teacher is never a giver of truth - he is a guide, a pointer to the truth that each student must find for himself. A good teacher is merely a catalyst.
  • When an opportunity in a fight presents itself, "I" don't hit, "it" hits all by itself.
  • Empty your mind. Become formless and shapeless like water. When water is poured into a cup, it becomes the cup. When water is poured into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Be water, my friend.
  • To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person. If you want to understand the truth in martial arts, to see any opponent clearly, you must throw away the notion of styles or schools, prejudices, likes and dislikes, and so forth. Then, your mind will cease all conflict and come to rest. In this silence, you will see totally and freshly.
  • I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times. ( Love this!)
  • The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering. ( Meaningful!)
  • Don't think, feel! It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory. (How true!)
  • A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough. (Absolutely!)
  • I don't believe in different ways of fighting now. I mean, unless human beings have 3 arms and 3 legs, then we will have a different way of fighting. But basically we all have two arms and two legs so that is why I believe there should be only one way of fighting and that is no way.
  • If you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it'll spread over into the rest of your life. It'll spread over into your work, into your mortality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. ( Creepy but this phrase reminds me of my orthopedic lecturers!)
  • There's no challenge in breaking a board. Boards don't hit back.
  • Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.
  • Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. ( My favourite!)
  • Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.
  • Martial art is ultimately an athletic expression of the dynamic human body. More important yet, is the person who is expressing his own soul.
  • I have always been a martial artist by choice, an actor by profession, but above all, am actualising myself to be an artist of life.
  • A goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at.
  • The martial arts are ultimately self-knowledge. A punch or a kick is not to knock the hell out of the guy in front, but to knock the hell out of your ego, your fear, or your hang-ups.

Break The Rules

Dance your way to happiness! I don't know about you people , but dance is life for me ! I dance when I am happy, I dance when I am sad , I dance when I am angry, I dance when I am hurt , I dance when I am stressed, I dance for any sort of emotions a human can possibly possess! I am myself when I dance- some say I go into a state of trance=) It brings out the inner side of you- maybe wild, seductive , sexy- anything and everything that is kept locked in you. Its an expression.Every movement , every step , every curve is an electrifying feeling. For once in life you will be yourself. I feel good about myself when I move- I forget how I look and how I feel at that point of time- its like the "high" feeling after a booze ( not like I had any of such feeling, though I wanted badly to get a hang-over- it did not work for me, think the tolerance rate is high, plus the whole idea is out my mind for now!) Just dance and move to the music in your heart , so what if the steps are not right , what if you don't learn the right moves , if you do it with love, it will turn out just fine! Shake those hips, let loose those shoulders , and sway around-for happiness is something only you can create, none others would ( unless and of course you find the perfect soul mate- then I believe the musical tune that springs from the heart doubles , and so will the happiness). So get hold of anyone near you and start dancing now- its an addiction! As for me , I would love to learn a few proper dance moves , waiting for this" spare tires "to deflate=) before I start.