Saturday, August 29, 2009

Let It Be Me For Once


There are supposed to be loads of things I am supposed to have already posted in here, but unfortunately due to my unscheduled life for the year 2009, everything is in a delay. My first commitment to myself for the past few days is to lose weight ( yes I know, the same old thing again, I can almost hear some of my friends laughing, cause trust me I say this line almost all the time---like a ritual actually, lost a little-involuntarily!- during the WORST times of my life) But right now, I am talking about some serious weight lost. Arrggh! On the other hand, I like working out, I feel good. Just have to put in the extra effort. Anyways, I was just thinking... Do you realize we often hurt the feeling of the one's we love most? Be it your best friend/mother/dad/sis/bf/gf -I know I do ( I am not proud of it either).Its not on purpose at times. Its just all these frustration and anger in me that builds up and the inability for me to let it out to the one's who actually triggered it, and my constant need for myself to be understood that ends up with me arguing with the ones who holds a special place in my heart. Most of the time, its my mum. But I count my blessings, cause I could not ask for more than a mother like mine who has all the world's patience too totally understand me.I will be lost in her absence. All these ridiculous behavior of mine & my so called "insanity" is best tolerated by my mum. I remember a friend telling me his mum is like an angel, what do you call mine? She takes the highest position in the line of angels! The other part of me that is kept in constant questioning is my friends. At least I used to think I used to have a friend I am closed too, someone who knows me in and out, but I never knew things will change in life, the fact that I was left alone at the time I needed her the most, has left a wound that never seem to close! The feeling of trusting someone wholeheartedly and only to know I was least significant was the most unforgettable experience in life.Though it had thought me valuable lessons-never to trust and never to get attached! Be neutral in anything and everything you do, cause people change, things change and only some of us who belief in true friendship, honesty and all these crap that gets back stabbed end of the day. What do we do? We just question why did that happen,why, why,why and you will never find an answer for it anyway, so don't bother asking. I never told my problems , my heartbreaks, and my bad day to anyone.When the world shuts it's door for them, I am always there with a welcoming smile.You can find my name at the bottom of the list. I am every body's "seasonal" good friend. I am always on the receiving end- always listening to every body's personal life stories and brightening their lonely days. I used to wonder how come no one asks me how I am feeling. Being cheerful does not mean I do not have my tough times.For once I would like a shoulder to cry on, that too a loud cry cause there are times when I feel extremely scared,timid, torn apart and vulnerable...


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I'm Wine


I sat at the corner. I looked around. There were beautiful colours everywhere with soft music in the background. Imagine a black paper splashed with rich red,pretty purple,bold blue, and oh-so lovely orange.I see people everywhere. Happy people.Why is she laughing I wondered? He must have said something funny.I thought to myself. A stage? Yes, there is one with a keyboard and a guitar on the floor with a big banner or cloth ( not too sure) with the word "Manila Spice" written on it. Manila Spice??? It does not ring a bell! I eavesdropped my owner saying "They are the hot gals from Manila. " Hot=Spice, right, that made sense , these girls sing and dance till the morning hours. Cool, I thought.Can't wait for them to start and spice things up.Oh by the way, people call me Malibu. I just sit in a glass house. I see the world outside through my transparent walls. And , I have a friend.She is called the "cherry". I never questioned but we always come together.
Inseparable. She either gets eaten up at the very beginning of the journey or later on once my owner is done with me. Whatever it is our life span is roughly about 40 minutes to an hour,if lucky we get an extra 1 hour. I love to just sit and observe people.I am what u call the observer of life. I managed to make a 360 degree turn with the help of my owner.
Wait a minute, it is the same lady, but the man? Oh my god, its a different guy! The lady, a Filipino, walked in with a well dressed gentleman.They got their drink and took a sit by the counter. Within an hour, some other older guy is sitting in his place. She looked uncomfortable and her eyes was scanning the room for the well dressed gentleman, but he was nowhere to be seen. Next I knew the crowd was cheering..Oh, its the spice gals, dancing and moving their stuff on stage. They look "fleshy".

*** my life span has just got shorter ***

After one session of the performance, one of the gals walked up to my owner's table and shook hands with all of them. Remember the old man sitting with the lady? He was talking to one of this gals with his hands taking the "opportunity" to touch them. Such a jerk! To my left, I saw this girl, she had a body hugging dark mysterious looking purple dress on her.Wow, lovely dress. By the way, this "purple-girl" looked like she was on trance (medically thinking, looked like she is having an Xtreme epilepsy!) She went on and on dancing with her 6 inch heels, man, how on earth did she managed to do that. She practically dirty-danced with every men there. I am lost for words. I was lost in my thoughts.. Just one more sip, and I will be gone. My friend, tequila, will be taking over my place shortly.Oh cherry is also gone! What a life? I thought. I never understood why some people behave as such, is it stress that is getting to you or purely attention that you need... Whatever is it, I know I can't do anything, I only observe, cause my name is wine...

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Aliaune Badara Akon Thiam

After deleting four different starting lines , now, I am just being purely honest and off to writing down everything and anything that comes to my mind.First "honesty", I have just got the first up-close look at his picture.I have seen snippets of him in the magazines before, and that's pretty much of my obsession with him. Okay, let me put it this way , I have this mega-mega (I have no idea if such word really exist, but I was trying to sound exaggerating cause I really like him , and it had been a rather "flat" day , & my moods aren't that high, and yet I insist on writing on him write now,though I do realize I am not writing with all the emotions and so I thought I would rather insert a few words here and there to let know of my liking) (Forgive me if I sound insane, but I think its the coffee) obsession over him, but not referring to him directly, its his songs.Yes, I just realize I LOVE his songs more than him. His songs always had the perfect music and words to it ( I know, his songs are what we would call"raw or to open or to straight to the point"), but nevertheless, it does not seem to bother me much, cause it had always been a turn on! I don't mind listening to it anytime of the day and in what-so-ever mood I am. It still sounds perfect to me. And my second "honesty" is that, I had know idea his full name is Aliaune Badara Akon Thiam. What's worst , I just looked up about him on the net 5 minutes ago before I decided to post a blog on him!*** The real thing is I have always liked him, like a lot, or at least that's what I always meant , but it just struck me that I am in love with the man only for his songs and his unique voice( many refer to him as a singer who sings through his nose, whatever it is, nose or mouth, still only he can produce the most turning-on songs!). Once I was caught in a conversation with a friend on our way to work.Being the usual me, my hand instantaneously increased the volume when Akon's song was playing filling the car with all the turn-on molecules and bringing me into my own fantasy land and already having choreographed a dance step for the song , and of course seeing myself dancing to the tune, ignoring my colleagues laughter and conversation.Than , out of the blue, my friend asked "He is an American mix right? Akon?". I froze for a while, hmm, wait just a second I am getting back to the back of my mind for a piece of information about him....damn! it is not there, it never was! Simply because I never checked on him at all, I could not even have a clear picture of his face in my head! How on earth did that make me a fan? I, of course said " Oh, I am not sure" instead of definitely saying "I don't know". Than it had me thinking, should I only be labeled a loyal fan if I knew in and out about him.Honestly, the man is a singer, and his duty is to sing. And I love him, but its not him the person , its him the song.So,what's all these fuss about not knowing his origin and his life story? I mean c'mmon, I am not marrying this man , am I? ( Though I doubt, I would go so in depth when it comes to my own man one day) But the thing is, when it comes to an actor , it is different, first you fall for his looks than the way he acts, next thing you know, you will know all the information about him. I think it is the interest that hits you once you have a look at the actual person behind the voice that spur us to check the whole detail on him-right from the time he was born to the current life of his! So, the next time, I say I like Akon, I think ( not particularly sure at this moment cause I just had a close look at him and I think he might have created some interest in me, so the feeling is due to change in the days to come but for now this is it) I mean his songs. Oh, yes the other thing besides the songs, will be his body, well toned and perfect=) And, oh yes , I have taught my buddy( me mother) to pronounce his name.... " Ma, this is my favorite singer-Akon" and she being herself , never fails to pull through the day without purposely stepping on my nerves & went on to say " Oh, that's easy Air-Cond" ...." No, ma, its Akon, A...THAN KON" .. " Yes, that's what I said Air-Cond" Arrghhh! Frustration, yet I thought it was kinda cute and funny=) It was more like teaching Detective Clouseau to pronounce "hamburger"!