Saturday, August 29, 2009

Let It Be Me For Once


There are supposed to be loads of things I am supposed to have already posted in here, but unfortunately due to my unscheduled life for the year 2009, everything is in a delay. My first commitment to myself for the past few days is to lose weight ( yes I know, the same old thing again, I can almost hear some of my friends laughing, cause trust me I say this line almost all the time---like a ritual actually, lost a little-involuntarily!- during the WORST times of my life) But right now, I am talking about some serious weight lost. Arrggh! On the other hand, I like working out, I feel good. Just have to put in the extra effort. Anyways, I was just thinking... Do you realize we often hurt the feeling of the one's we love most? Be it your best friend/mother/dad/sis/bf/gf -I know I do ( I am not proud of it either).Its not on purpose at times. Its just all these frustration and anger in me that builds up and the inability for me to let it out to the one's who actually triggered it, and my constant need for myself to be understood that ends up with me arguing with the ones who holds a special place in my heart. Most of the time, its my mum. But I count my blessings, cause I could not ask for more than a mother like mine who has all the world's patience too totally understand me.I will be lost in her absence. All these ridiculous behavior of mine & my so called "insanity" is best tolerated by my mum. I remember a friend telling me his mum is like an angel, what do you call mine? She takes the highest position in the line of angels! The other part of me that is kept in constant questioning is my friends. At least I used to think I used to have a friend I am closed too, someone who knows me in and out, but I never knew things will change in life, the fact that I was left alone at the time I needed her the most, has left a wound that never seem to close! The feeling of trusting someone wholeheartedly and only to know I was least significant was the most unforgettable experience in life.Though it had thought me valuable lessons-never to trust and never to get attached! Be neutral in anything and everything you do, cause people change, things change and only some of us who belief in true friendship, honesty and all these crap that gets back stabbed end of the day. What do we do? We just question why did that happen,why, why,why and you will never find an answer for it anyway, so don't bother asking. I never told my problems , my heartbreaks, and my bad day to anyone.When the world shuts it's door for them, I am always there with a welcoming smile.You can find my name at the bottom of the list. I am every body's "seasonal" good friend. I am always on the receiving end- always listening to every body's personal life stories and brightening their lonely days. I used to wonder how come no one asks me how I am feeling. Being cheerful does not mean I do not have my tough times.For once I would like a shoulder to cry on, that too a loud cry cause there are times when I feel extremely scared,timid, torn apart and vulnerable...


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