Monday, November 16, 2009

My Life:Less than 48 hours (part 2)

So, this is how it goes- Yesterday, all happy and energetic I drove to the station to get myself train tickets to go back this weekend in which I will have to skip one day of my hospital posting.This is for my lovely sister's registration cum engagement. I told myself I am going to be part of it, plus its only ENT (ear,nose and throat) posting, does not really matter. So ,yeah I bought the tickets. One of the students from this new group told me that class is at 9, but I had no idea he was referring to the clinics and not the days where my lecturer will be taking me. Hence, the second day, which is today, I was late for class about 20 minutes ( it started at 8.30). But cool,she has not started the class yet. So, I assumed she must be talking something irrelevant at the start of the class. But little did I know it was me she was talking about. After 5 minutes, it registered to her that I was there. That's when she mentioned that she has told the group not to proxy for me and get me into trouble and this is the best part " I have told them to be strict with you". All I had to say, was "okay doc, okay doc". Now tell me, firstly, whom exactly did I ask to cover up for me???None! I have been coming to the classes. And this is not even my own group and I am just warming up to them, so who on earth am I supposed to trust to do anything? I have learned not to trust anyone, it takes me ages to gain some one's trust! Even this I can digest. But when she uttered this "I have told them to be strict with you" - all I wanted to do was to run away somewhere! Common lady, who the hell are these people to be strict with me.They are there just like me to learn! They are not even some house officers or medical officers to be strict with me. And worst still they are my juniors. What an impression have you created about myself in front of them, made it sound like I play truant all the time!!!Life can be weird at times, you go the right way and you get picked on all the time.Give me a break! And mind you this was the same lady, who hugged me and told me her stories-how she grew up, how she was treated and some personal things and she was the same person who told me to be strong because at times like this people will bully you. So , you can imagine how shocked I was.The least you could have done was to call me separately and talk to me, & not to do it in front of a whole bunch of new students!God, madness! Honestly, how much more do I need to go through??? I did not say much after that. Just needed to talk to my mum, which I did after the class. And after that, exactly the same time yesterday when I went to buy my tickets, I returned it. The plan for this week has been cancelled! Guess, I will be going for the class after all. I have been quite prominent nowadays due to my deferment of studies and with all those jumping of batches, that I get noticed all the time. Frustrating! I will just hang on till I am done with my finals, till I get my life back on the right track. Though deep down I know she is a nice person, but yet I felt really hurt. Maybe she meant good but her choice of word and place was just not appropriate. At times, it just hits me so badly, that I wonder what am I doing in this field. Do I have the passion for it- I can't answer and I am hoping to find out one day and yet I give my best( I believe in giving my best in anything I do, I don't quit!)... What I have learned in this past one year five months to be exact is some doctors can be quite demanding, they constantly forget they are humans and not God! Some can squeeze your every last bit of energy from your pores and leave you with no room to breathe...

1 comment:

sham said...

hey why not u get the thursday nite train and and leave on friday or saturday nite...and for that lecturer..i really think you should go have a chat with her and share hou you feel about what she did.