Acha, Me And The Perfect Cup of Tea

I felt like having tea today after cleaning up my room. I usually never do my own tea.Its always amma who makes them for me, especially her super tasty masala tea! But, today, I was just so badly craving for it. And, so I did make myself a cup. Just than, I got back all the memories of making tea for acha years ago. Its routine acha always has two cups of tea- mid morning and in the late afternoon. Whenever amma used to be away at work, its only acha,divu(my niece) and me at home. So, I so very often used to make dad a cup of tea. But, it was more than a routine rather than something that I have to do. I never made it from my heart. I don't think I did. He never complained though, not even once. He drank faithfully. I made and he drank.You see, I am never really good at making tea nor coffee.It never comes easily for me. Even till now. I have always stuck with the 3-1's that is convenient and had a better taste. All through the years, twice acha complimented me. He said the tea was perfect. It was in perfect composition. I very often used to think really? The tea I make can turn out that well. But the irony of it all is, out of the 365 cups of tea per year that I did, and that is only for one year I am counting, I never made the perfect cup of tea. I just made, for the sake of it, I forgot that acha was drinking it.It was more of a routine. And yet he never complained, not even once, he never did. It only struck me today, cause my cup of tea was awful, it tasted like sugar dissolved in water when it was supposed to taste like tea. I felt a sense of regret. If he was here today, I would have served him with the perfect cup of tea all my life....

A Letter To My Dad

Dear Acha,

Happy Birthday! We went through the day like normal, but there was heaviness in everyone's heart. Everyone tried to avoid thinking of the date. No one actually sat in a group and dared talked about it. Ama told me its your birthday a day before. Sham, on the other hand,had the reminder set just like the previous years.She told us how old are you. I, well,.. I wished you the day before. We had cake. Busy , busy... the whole day. We went for food testing for the wedding. Quality time spent together. Somewhere deep down, all of us was missing your presence. I couldn't help thinking what would you have said if you were here. Anyway, 3 days from now Chumi will be starting a new chapter in her life. Pretty occupied with the wedding prep. Guess what I am trying to say is that, despite all this busy schedule, you are always remembered. Just that now no one wants to speak about it, afraid of having mom's heart broken. Oh, ama is freaking out as we are nearing the wedding. I have to constantly remind her the dates. However, she is doing a wonderful job.Hats off to her. And, yes, I as usual get very excited shopping. If you were physically present I would have worn it and have you tell me how I look in it-just like old times. I am going all orange this time=). Oh, and you won't belief how much of weight Chumi has lost. What all a marriage can do to a person=). Anyway, I know your blessings are always there with us.

Love,
Your Simandhi Putri

~Life is like a garden in which we plant our flowers:the roses of affection that bloom in summer hours.The seeds of sweet remembrance, of hope, joy and love~

I Feel The Breeze

~Happy Father's Dad~

to the man who held my hands and took me through the smooth pathway of life for 21 years,
making sure no thorns dared touch my skin on our journey,
making sure the road I am trudging is straight ahead leading right to the door of my destiny
&
to the same man who is still guiding me through the rough ride of my life for the last one year
only to make sure that this time I don't allow anyone to break my spirit,
who is making me strong everyday
&
to the same man whom I thought has taken everything when he left , but to realize how wrong I was , he has left behind the most valuable gift-his teachings on life and love!


you are the most priceless gift I could ask for
i count my blessings everyday
you left
i hear them whisper
you are here
only i know
you are like the wind
i can't touch nor see you
but i feel your presence...

Suffering in Silence

The wound is still raw.Feel like hugging you at this very moment. I want to feel secure in your hug. I want you to tell me everything is going to be alright. The memories of you came back today. I attended a friend's birthday party today, her mum and dad was there. And all I can think of is you. How we used to be like that as a family at one point of time. Just us. The same love and care. Missing your presence. Though mine did not last after my 2oth birthday. You have not only gone , but along with you I have lost everything else. I wish at times I was never closed to you cause the departure seems worse. I fake my smile, my happiness and I have got to be strong for so many people and for so many reasons. I cry myself to sleep and console myself. Its everything about me and on my own. No one else is there now. When you were around, my circle was complete, now its shattered. I am afraid of getting myself attach to anyone for the fear of being hurt again! At times I fall to my lowest point in life and there is no one to pull me up , how I wished everything was back to normal!

If Only I Can Hit The Rewind Button...

~11 months and still fresh~

Missing you! Teared many times cause the thought of you just keeps coming back though at times I tried running . I felt hurt and crushed the day a new political change took place. I only realized we had a new prime minister during the mid day, felt very upset, at that very moment wished you were here telling me and discussing what's going on.You should know better, politics and me are far apart, yet I try so hard to keep abreast with everything new, but at times I just can't and really wished you were here, cause ALL things were so much easier in your presence.You will be surprised to see me now if you were physically present, I have changed so much, feel like I am growing up everyday. TOO matured at times, at times feel like going back to the usual me, to be just like how I was in your presence, feel like listening to all the advices and stories we used to share. Missed the "standing in the balcony times" and making fun of ama. Really wished it could all happen again. Missed you calling me "simandhi putri". Now its me and my battle!

The Metamorphosis From Caterpillar To Butterfly

~ 10 months have passed and I dedicate this to myself and my family members in the ever loving memory of our loving dad~

its an excerpt from one of Anthony Robbins's book

....."You're thinking like a caterpillar." He asked me what I meant. "There's a point,"I said, "where most caterpillars think that they have died.They think life has ended.When is that?" He said,"Oh yeah,when that thing starts wrapping around them." I said, " Yeah, pretty soon the caterpillar gets wrapped in its cocoon,buried by all this stuff.And you know what?If you were to open up that cocoon, the caterpillar is no longer there.There's just all this mush and goo and stuff.And most people, including the caterpillar,thinks it's dying.But really it's beginning to transform.Do you understand? It is going from one thing to something else.And pretty soon,what does it become?" And he said,"A butterfly." I asked," Can the other lilttle caterpillars on the ground see that this caterpillar became a butterfly?" He said,"No." I said, "And when a caterpillar breaks out of the cocoon, what does he do?" He said, " He flies."I said,"Yeah, he gets out and the sunlight dries off his wings and he flies.He's even more beautiful than when he was a caterpillar.Is he more free or less free?" He said,"He's much more free." And I said," Do you think he will have more fun?" And he said," Yeah- he's got less legs to get tired!" And I said,"That's right, he does.He doesn't need legs anymore; he's got wings.
I THINK ACHA HAS WINGS NOW!

Eternity - In Ever Loving Memory Of My Dad

Today I am wishing you were here

Hoping to get a huge hug

Telling me its going to be okay

I feel like a newborn being left alone in the cold

Shivering, starving and crying

Only difference now is that no one sees the tears

I am hurt to the core

The only reason I am moving on is because You said I am a survivor!

The only thing that gives me the fuel for the day

Punctuality and discipline

Two very important things you thought me

I am taking an oath to stick to it

To come up in life

Will forever hold you close to heart

P/S= I LOVE YOU

Cherish

~ No words can ever describe you, it was a blessing, and I am glad to have experienced 21 years of my life in your presence~

Seven months have passed
New Year has arrived
And I looked around
Something is missing
The familiar face
The caring voice
The comforting hug
Yes, the hug…
I miss the hug the most
How secured it was when I had your hands around me
It was magical
I used to tell myself
All the pain and sorrow flew away
Replacing with reassurance
I call it God’s touch
But, now at this very moment
It is all gone
This indescribable feeling in me
Am I running?
Am I moving forward?
Am I pretending?
I don’t know
Frustration is all I am loaded with
Regrets for not saying what I am supposed to
Now, my heart yearns to see you
Just once
To say and show my love
That I could not make myself do at the very time I was losing you
I was afraid
Is all I can say…
I am thanking God for all those wonderful time He granted me with
To be able to know a great person like you
You have always been the best and will always remain so!

P/S : I LOVE YOU