Love, A Painful Bliss

Love,
Beautiful,
Yet Painful,
Freedom it offers,
Yet trapped in an emotional circle,

Love,
Makes you wise,
Yet the slave of it,
Reassures happiness,
Yet empty promises

Love
Gives you wings
Yet ties you down
Gives you hope
Yet breaks your faith

Love
Glorifies you like a sun
Saddens you like dark clouds
Love
Takes away your breath
Yet put an end to life
Love,
Can be the start
or the end
After all, it is love
Loving Obsessively
Vulnerability Eternally

-RUBY2010-

Need Motivation?

Going through a rather stressed and tough time...
This baby made my moments. I have taken the picture from the "Motivational Self Help Morning Thoughts" Blog, which I personally think all of you should really have a look at. It is very motivating.And I really love it! One of the sites I never miss reading.Very thought provoking posts. Please have a look at it

.
Adorable!

This moment

Holla!
It is almost a month since I blogged.Been really busy with tons of things, some of which are as follows:

studies (top most)

toothache for the last 6 weeks (freaking painful; the worst pain I have ever
encountered so far!No kidding)

pain killer induced sleepiness( never take 2 tablets of Voltarene at one go, it is a
bad idea, you will be totally knocked out:I had a hard time keeping awake: as if
someone activated my sleep center in the brain! and this happened a night
before my exams)

bedside exams

classes, classes and classes

3 birthday parties to attend to(one every week: of course one of which was mine;)

And currently, falling in love with the most gorgeous man i know since the day i set my eyes on him and he is real ;)) I do not know what love is but if this is what
it is, than it is totally beautiful and I am loving it! ( the best part is my hormones
are not even fluctuating: its my heart that keeps skipping a beat:) Looking
forward to meet him again very soon...

Congratulations to my sister who just gave birth to a baby boy!I am a proud
aunty!

Been busy after the floods in my place.The aftermath of it is seriously bad! This
is the first time I am dealing with natural disaster, but I thank the lord for so
many things!

I got to know a friend really close and learned a lot about other people's lives.

I love hibernating once in a while which I did over the last one month and cant
wait for Feb to do so again!=)

Watched Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and it was awesome.It has been long since
Bollywood produced beautiful love stories as such.So,go watch it!

Oh skipped the last day of my class that was supposed to be taken by a so called
very important lecturer to watch Rapunzel.Had to sneak out very carefully from
the class. But, God had different plans, my car broke down & had to be towed
away with me and a friend in it! It is super cool to sit in a car that is being towed
away( feel like a royalty=)) Anyway, I managed to catch the 3pm movie=) Loved
Rapunzel and Flint Rider!

- Yup, I think that is pretty much what happened. So, I have to get back to studies!
Love you people and I love life ( who said it sucks?). It is a God given gift, the
only thing that never ceases to stop even when the worst happens, so enjoy every
minute of it, okay? Spread the joy.

Acha, Me And The Perfect Cup of Tea

I felt like having tea today after cleaning up my room. I usually never do my own tea.Its always amma who makes them for me, especially her super tasty masala tea! But, today, I was just so badly craving for it. And, so I did make myself a cup. Just than, I got back all the memories of making tea for acha years ago. Its routine acha always has two cups of tea- mid morning and in the late afternoon. Whenever amma used to be away at work, its only acha,divu(my niece) and me at home. So, I so very often used to make dad a cup of tea. But, it was more than a routine rather than something that I have to do. I never made it from my heart. I don't think I did. He never complained though, not even once. He drank faithfully. I made and he drank.You see, I am never really good at making tea nor coffee.It never comes easily for me. Even till now. I have always stuck with the 3-1's that is convenient and had a better taste. All through the years, twice acha complimented me. He said the tea was perfect. It was in perfect composition. I very often used to think really? The tea I make can turn out that well. But the irony of it all is, out of the 365 cups of tea per year that I did, and that is only for one year I am counting, I never made the perfect cup of tea. I just made, for the sake of it, I forgot that acha was drinking it.It was more of a routine. And yet he never complained, not even once, he never did. It only struck me today, cause my cup of tea was awful, it tasted like sugar dissolved in water when it was supposed to taste like tea. I felt a sense of regret. If he was here today, I would have served him with the perfect cup of tea all my life....

Cascada:Everytime We Touch

I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.

Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.

p/s=M totally addicted to this song!

I Am No Ordinary Girl

• I can't and rather not walk in heels ( Comfort is the in thing for me)
  
• The last time I did, I found the heels to be one step ahead of me, thank heavens my feet was still intact to my body
• Skirts and dresses are stored in my once -in-a-blue moon closet
• Pink is not my favourite colour
• I love to make babies cry, it amuses me, especially the change in their expression..aww, lovely( No, I am not a sadist!)
• I fight with kids (I am not childish!)
• If I am with a man,please, you do not expect me to eat 10 % of what you are eating, I am not good at I-gotta-be-prim n proper-in front of him-thing ( So not me!)
• I fight equally for what is right and love even more
• I would like to declare that I am aware that I am an emotionally sensitive creature, and gets easily wounded
  
• If I like you, than I would do anything to keep you happy
• I don't flaunt designer hand bags ( In fact I don't even know the existence of some of them)
• Worst still even if you have bought a fake one, I would never know ( Now, that's a happy news for you)
• I am not so much of the hand bag carrying person either
• I don't do much of a dress up either
• Now this is a creepy thing, I love to look at girls that are dressed up from head to toe, like they have got a nice diamante head bands, cute little pink dresses with flowers, the latest sandals from......( fill in whatever shop you like) and of course the trendiest bag with nicely manicured and designed nails, and accessories to match,... and each time I look at them I go like wow, how does she manage to do that? Really, how do you guys do that? Love you girls! ( I am totally straight, as much as I like my gender, I am attracted to the opposite gender much more)
• I do not have the baby soft hands like most of them do
• I love Kareena Kapoor ( I happen to be the only one in my group of friends who like her,hmm)
• I seem to like those who many do not like ( The good thing is I never judge anyone based on what others say, I do the judgement on my own!)
• When I was small , I have always had this funny idea-1) I have always imagine putting on many layers of gloves and touching the moon and as the gloves melt away, I imagine falling on to mattresses that are being laid on the road ( Crazy? I know) 2) I have always wanted to stand in the middle of a road whereby in one area its raining and the other it is sunny, actually I still do till now ( Talking about childhood imaginations)
• I played a prank on my close friend when I was 12 by giving her a love letter as if it was from an admirer.
• I memorized Richard Marx's "Right here waiting for you" when I was 9 and also the song "Sonia" from the movie Ratchakan when I was 11.
• The song "Kau Ilhamku" brings back loads of sweet memories.
  
• I love cinnamon rolls and a cup of English Breakfast tea/ coffee and I think its only right to have it in a garden setting
• I love the idea of getting a tattoo and having my ear pierced
• I have always wanted to have my own rock band and love to hit the drums and play the guitar ( For that sole reason only , I like Shruti Hassan)
  
• I think it is a little challenging to be a women, you have gotta keep yourself extremely polished (you know facial, threading, shaving, waxing, manicure, pedicure and whatever else that you people are doing that I am not aware of)
• Oh the last time and was also the first time I had a facial done( think it was 6 years ago), the facial lady had this machine that was meant to produce steam to cleanse the pores of the face or something like that, I am not entirely sure what is the function of it, that machine thing started sprinkling hot water out ( not a joke!) and I thought it was perfectly normal and was part of the facial process, the whole time thinking women must be crazy to go through such a torture, and little did I know the machine was actually faulty. ( I never went back to her after that)
• You can hardly find me sitting with a group of friends gossiping about the other girls, just not interested ( But now I have no choice but to listen cause gossiping seem to be the very essence of being in a group) ---> It's like the Gossip Girl crap thingy!
• I may not be an epitome of a perfect woman but yet there are certain things that define me:
• I love to bake. I believe when it comes from the heart, it adds its own sweetness to the cake n cookies.
  
• Like many other girls , I have my own fantasies of having my knight in shinning armor rescuing his damsel in distress and sweeping me off my feet and a happy married life.
• Though I scold, but I love kids!
• I love endlessly and a day dreamer.
• I love any pretty shoes and dresses, just that it does not necessarily have to be branded.
• I go all out to keep you happy if I care.
  
• I love the rain and looking at the stars or simply the sky.
• I cry buckets and buckets when I watch a movie that touches me emotionally.
• I also cry when I read a story book ( esp. the one's by Nicholas Sparks, Cecelia Ahern)
• I love songs with a perfect lyric like "If You Are Not The One" by Daniel Bedingfield
  
• I love guys who have got a good sense of humor and can keep me engaged in a conversation without me getting bored.
• I cant stand girls who go after rich guys( just for the money concept really does not make sense)
• I love Nelson Ricardo Alamo Flores,Gerard Buttler, James Marsden, Hugh Dancy, the "Rock", and Drew Barrymore.
  
• I have tons more to go but before I stop just one more important thing I love my family! As crazy as they are, I am always grateful and blessed to be part of the madness.
  

My Independence & A Big Thank You

Morning. I have finally finished my professional exams and I am a full fledged final year student. Yeah! Honestly,yesterday was my New Year. Now, I am on par with the rest. And,I can finally pay attention to one thing till my next exam. This is the day I was waiting for since I made the decision to defer my studies in 2008. And finally it is here. Trust me folks, any trials in this journey is always a temporary thing and it will pass by fast, whatever it is. It is just one of God's way of making us strong. Studies was never the only issue for me , since acha left , there was so many emotional downfalls in life. So many people to cater for especially family. No, I am not complaining--- the start of anything in life is never an easy one but as it goes things will eventually fall in place. Time probably heals the pain- not completely perhaps a little. 2 years was definitely an eye opener-meeting people, understanding them, standing up for yourself, appreciating the small things that makes a great difference, maturing and the feel of wanting to do everything right now, this very moment, to spent when I want to, to go on a vacation or a trip or anything without giving much of a thought, to dance till I am exhausted, to see more people, and a lot more to name. So, I was thinking, I am going to take some time to thank some people who had been there, and made a difference in the last 2 years directly or indirectly. I have never particularly mentioned any one's name before so if I did today I am being truly sincere and wishing you people a big thank you from the bottom of my heart.

1) Sham chechi

Where do I start when it comes to you, basically everything was possible due to
your effort. The amount of patience, love and understanding and support that
you gave all throughout-from the time I deffered my studies, all the train journeys to keep me company and all the encouragement.Oh yes, and the driving will never be possible if it was not for your support. And I needed you the most to keep me sane.To listen to me pour my heart out!Thank you for being rational.

2) Ma-me mummy

Despite all the irrationalities and emotional downfall, as a mother, you are still the best. You had a dual role since 2008-both as a dad & a mum. And you did both very well. You have always worried about not being able to do it right and not as perfectly as acha- but honestly no one could have done it better than you! Chumi's wedding would not have been possible without you! And I would not have made it this far as well. I admire you patience & always wished I had half of it.So, thank you and love you.

3) Priscillia

You are part of the family now. Thank you for all the help. And especially for all the driving around to distribute the cards and to settle everything else-from the slide making, to the late nights chats and to be very patient with the DJ=) So many things would not have been possible without you. So thank you!

4) Kishore

Thank you for all the wonderful lunch and dinner and hours and hours of time spent talking. Really kept my mind off things. Thank you for making me feel welcomed and not so awkward when I was back for my studies. And also for sending me home that Christmas morning. Truly a friend I can count on.So, a big thank you and do let me no if I am of any help.

5) Sarita

A big thank you and a hug for listening to me pour my heart out at the time I needed most. And also, for allowing me to stay over! I really appreciate it. Hope to return your favour one day. And as promised, will get you your Tatiana=) & it was nice having you around back home and to be able to explore my primary school, thanx to you.

6) Rathi

Thank you for filling me up with all the stories=) and keeping me happy. I sort of felt like I was back in the class and did not miss anything, thanx to you.

P/S= Off to gym now. Have a blessed day!

Break Free

Have you taken any risks in life or had this feeling " I am tired of all this stuff" and you decide to stop right there and go on your own way.It will be cool if life was as such. You get to decide at this very moment what you want from it. If not for all the rules and regulations and all the norm, and a family, I would have done it. Feel like hopping on to a train and to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as it takes me to a place where there is abundance of joy ,love,happiness, and kids. Have you sat in a train station and sometimes wish to go to the counter and get a ticket to anywhere but not where you have planned, just for the fun of it, to try it, to see where this journey takes you. I have always wanted to, but never tried. Perhaps at the time the thought comes to my mind , the next thing that I always hear at the back of my head is " this is ridiculous Ruby, absolutely ridiculous, you just don't go anywhere, where were you planning to go anyway?" Than, the next thing I know, is myself sitting on the thin mattress on the lower berth going back to where I have intended to go when I purchased my ticket while looking at all the commotion that takes place at each station while everyone is trying to settle down. But deep down, I really wish just one day I can break free and do it.To take the chance to see where this journey called life leads me....

p/s=It is always nice to have a partner in crime=)

Thoughts

~To spread my wings and fly away~

I Am Not

I am not what you think I am
I am not fake
I am real
But I am not what you think I am
You think you know me
But really, you don't
Because I am not what you think I am
I am a treasure
You will need time to know the real me
To read my soul
But for now
I am not what you think I am...

Tough Lessons Of Life

Less than 24 hours and we will be moving into a new year,2010! Unbelievable, the time is moving so fast.I have no idea what I did in the last two years. It just came and went,each day lived, yet not to the fullest.Yes, not to the fullest. I am maturing with each passing year, thus I expect myself to set goals and learn more, and be more responsible and set my priorities right. However little did I know, God had His own plans.Though it was not a smooth ride, but I definitely learned more.Mostly the lessons of love, life, family, friends, and trust. I have learned to appreciate the smallest things in life.To be grateful for being able to wake up each morning and to be able to see and feel the warm morning sunlight.To be grateful to hear my mum's voice every morning. To be grateful to be blessed with sisters who are supportive. Most importantly, I know I have a shoulder to cry on when I need one. What more could I ask for? I am truly blessed. My friends have also thought me valuable lessons. Along the way, I met friends whom I was not closed too initially. Funny, when things were fine for me, the world seemed polished! No problems,everyone seemed happy, but it was these two years that thought me people fall into the dark pit and they just climb out of it, and move on.They try to create the life they want. Honestly, it is never the end of the world when problems come your way. It is merely an opportunity for you to be strong, to grow, to learn and to survive. I have been pushed around a lot in the last two years. There were times when I had to bit my tongue and keep quite when something really unacceptable and irrational happens. I was not left with any choice. From being a quite and unnoticed student, now I cant walk anywhere without being unnoticed. I have encountered many stubborn headed and some extremely egoistic teachers. Some of which I wish I could just twist their ears and tell them " Moron, listen to me, you are no God, so don't behave like one!" They are many times I have burst out crying in the restroom, just wanting to run away and to hug someone. Now, thinking back, it was a lesson to make me strong and to move on. It was God's way of saying " See child, this is life, not the one you think it is, meet some of these people, they will teach you how to live." How true! Friends? Well,I had many. Still do. But strangely, it was those who I have met in the last two years who have been my strength. Family? My BIGGEST bundle of joy and love. I would never trade them in for anything! No, thank you , I am much happier in their presence. I remember a friend telling me once, " God only test those who are strong" . Well, thanks Lord, I am strong, just be my foundation-my strength and I am sure I wont have a problem facing the world.

I Just Had My High School Life' Flashed' Before My Eyes

Pre-examination look:

- unruly eyebrows
- scratched marks and black spots on the face
- stressed induced hair drop
-weight oh weight-i have put on weight =(
-24 hour coffee smelling breath
- black circles around the eye
- white of the eye turning red in the evening
-a constantly beating heart

Haloha, I don't usually blog during exams-having a major exam. But anyways , thought I will write down what happened today before I loose my sentiments attached to the event of the day.By the way those description above are only applicable to me before major exams. I got up this morning with a somewhat depressed- somewhat scared- somewhat giving up feeling. Had to go see a lecturer today to clear some issues with attendance. But I was already not feeling that good about today. However, I went and got things settle. Than I met another lecturer ( you know the same person whom I spoke about in My Life: Less Than 48 hours- Part 2) to get my marks. Than we were discussing the answers. She complemented me=) it went something like this " You are an intelligent girl, you have answered very well, continue and do the same for your finals". As we were talking , she said " Don't run away from life". I am like huh??? Why suddenly? Out of the blue. But it sounded right, like a lesson someone needed to put through right into my head. " Don't be stressed, study, don't think of your problems, I know its not easy, keep them apart, even till now it affects me, but you have to do your best, all for your father, be a good doctor, and He will bless you". " God takes something and gives something else, you at least have your sisters to depend on." I teared. I hung my head down and silently thank her and was brought back to the past and suddenly reality hit me. Sometimes , just sometimes I wonder, why do I meet people like her,when, I am in the verge of giving up and breaking down and crying for the amount of stress I have, but she just gives me motivation out of the blue, its as if God told her to encourage me. I thanked her........(moments of silence for me to clear my thoughts).......... And made my way out of the office. So , as I was walking, these bunch of guys walked pass me. Suddenly, I heard someone shouting " Ruby". Huh? I am pretty sure I did not see anyone that I know in the last 6 feet distance. I turned and I see this guy walking up to me. Think Ruby , think , think fast, who is he??? Ringggg, oh my high school friend.Oh boy, it was surely nice to see him after, hmm, 6 years. I went like " Vicky?" "Yeah", came his response. Oh my god, "Vicky here? What are you doing?" Duh , obviously studying I thought to myself but you know I was all just excited to see a friend after such a long time.It was like a trip down memory lane just by seeing him. We spoke, and I got to know he joined my college after his college back in Padang was hit by earthquake. After which, we said our goodbyes. About 10 feet distance from me, he shouted and said " You have not changed!" I am like , oh my god , just strike my mind I am not all well dressed up today- With my extra pounds, hair tied into a bun, undone eyebrows, NO Eyeliner and mascara( the worst of all) , and a all scratched up face? Damn. Okay the thing is I would have like to see an old friend in a much more presentable way- you know like at least I have evolved in the last 6 years! God, I..., well, felt extremely disappointed and like really crushed=( I felt like telling him, " Hey buddy, check me out after 3 months okay? Now like I am having my finals, I am not really myself" but unfortunately, I could not shout in the presence of others. I just smiled and walked away. Well yeah, that was exactly how my morning was. I was happy to see him but was saddened later.But he is a smart guy, said it at quite a distance, or else I would have had him turned upside down and swallow back his words! Hehe. No doubt he has grown into one fine man.

P/S= Can't wait for the exams to be over! Please pray for me=) Love you people.

Believing,Faith,Soaring High,Not Giving Up

The World is what we think it is. If we can change our thoughts, we can change the world.

-H.M. Tomlinson

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

-Arthur Rubinstein

Two men look out through the same bars; one sees the mud and the other one the stars.

-Frederick Langbridge

The mind is like a river; upon its waters thoughts float through in a constant procession every conscious moment. You stand on a bridge over it and can stop and turn back any thought that comes along. The art of contentment is to let no thought pass that is going to disturb you.

-Dr. Frank Crane

A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.

-Ken Keyes, Jr.

One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes a success of his life.

-Edward B. Butler

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's mind.

-Mark Twain

man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm.

-Charles Schwab

We do not see things they are. We see them as we are.

-Talmud

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.

-Confucius

There is a basic law that like attracts like. Negative thinking definitely attracts negative results. Conversely, if a person habitually thinks optimistically and hopefully, his positive thinking sets in motion creative forces -- and success instead of eluding him flows toward him.

-Norman Vincent Peale

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

-Marcus Aurelius (A.D. 121-180)

The real secret of happiness is simply this: to be willing to live and let live, and to know very clearly in one's own mind that the unpardonable sin is to be an unpleasant person.

-Galen Starr Ross

This is the best day the world has ever seen. Tomorrow will be better.

-R.A. Campbell

Act as if you were already happy and that will tend to make you happy.

-Dale Carnegie

Be positive!

This post is dedicated to my loosing weight plans.Each time I drop a kg, I will get this page filled up. Of course, the time period for it would be till February 2010. Anthony Robbins said always link pain to whatever you do. It is the pain that pushes you to achieve what you want.Don't settle for the temporary pleasure.So here goes. Putting up this post itself is causing me tremendous pain=) Anyways wish me luck! Oh yes,before I forget to mention, this page will be self - destructed on Feb 28 2010 if there are no entries!Adios!