When 16 Comes Knocking

When you are 16, everything seems complicated. Life becomes a confusing puzzle. It always seems like a never ending journey to complete the puzzle. And, of course, 16 would be the age when no one understands you. Parents never understood your feelings. And your status on face book and friendster and many more social network to come will always be "it's complicated". Exactly what is this complication that we are referring to?Everything! Relationship with parents, sibling rivalry, peer pressure, studies, clothing sense and of course not forgetting love. It is the age when we all need attention. Looking and dressing like teenagers from one of our favorite Hollywood dramas becomes a necessity. And, idol, is something that we all have. Never anyone who created any history, idol to us have always been some actor/actress that we adore. Oh, and having a crush on that particular boy/girl sitting next to us in class is an absolute norm.Oh, the glorious love. Often one sided or if your lucky enough you could both be in love. It is also the age when popularity is a must. You have to be the best student in studies, in sports and every other activity in school. At 16, when someone confesses their love for you, you never think, you always believe he/she is the right one for you. ( because somehow you always think no one understands you especially parents and siblings and you need that attention, care and love from someone else, who better can give you what you need other than the opposite sex!) It is very common to think from the heart at 16.

Fast forward at 22-25, well, it is still complicated=) BUT, only in certain matters. The maturity sets in. The thinking capacity heightened. You don't fall in love randomly with anyone sitting next to you. You eventually look for a man/woman. Responsibility becomes your priority. You develop a sense of providing. At 25, you will understand your parents. You give yourself some time to think about the consequences of that decision you are about to make. It is the age when every incident teaches you a lesson.Learning to fall and rise and to achieve something becomes a part of you. It is a phase that will make you want to make every moment worthwhile. To live each millisecond with meaning!

Gym- Dont's!

Image taken from here

Following are some of the observations I have made in the gym over the last few months, and it really caught me by surprise!

• Please don't run on a treadmill wearing a punjabi suit with a shawl and a pair of slippers
• Weight lifting with a saree? Seriously?
• If you have to talk on the phone, please do it outside the gym, none of us really wanna know your personal stuff and its not a bloody fish market, so please don't scream
• I know you have eyes, but that does not justify why you gotta go on staring at people (absolute bad manners!)

The rule is simple- proper attire, proper shoes and talk but not loudly!

When Death Is Inevitable

We all have gone through the "feeling of heaven on earth" or at least most of us did.We often know what heaven is on earth.But, do you know what is a living hell?When the one you love most is not going too survive long, you know it and yet you cant do much, and you are forced to keep the smile plastered on your face and to endure each day with so called positivity when really nothing much can be done. Death and to witness one die in front of your eyes can never beat any other pain in life. And that is one image that will never get erased from your memory.But, you would just prefer to brush off and carry on. Today, I watched one such movie that depicted the life of a man suffering and wanted to end his life. Guzarish. A lot of memories came back-the pain, the suffering, the laughter that speaks of sadness, the heart that cries, everything portrayed is something that I can connect too. It is one good movie.Watch it if you are strong at heart, otherwise don't. Great day all!

Is There A Life Manual To Lead Our Lives?

We go through each day with a lot of decision makings. There are some who stand firm with our own decisions and some plain fickle. Now, whichever category you are in, there is always one basic similarity and that is reassurance.Yes, reassurance. No matter how old you are, we always fall back on someone who we know would be there for us all the time to get an approval or an idea of any kind of decision making, no matter how trivial it is. It is really not about the lack of confidence or whatsoever, it is more of self- satisfaction, to have someone to reassure you that you are doing the right thing. Take God for instance. He takes the top place in the hierarchy of trust, there is nothing beyond Him. Hence, when we find ourselves in deep shit and nothing else works, we fall back to him. We comfort ourselves by telling that He will help. It is a form of reassurance ( only difference is that God never talks but carries out the action).

And than there are days, when we get around to do something, and it leaves you wondering, if this is the right thing? What if it does not work? I have at many occasion come to a point that I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Is this path that I am taking, the correct path for me, or what if it is not. Despite a lot of reassurance , there is always one person that constantly keeps questioning and that is- YOURSELF. I guess that is what is meant by challenge. Take it, if it is not your cup of tea, choose the other path. After all, life is an experience. But there are just times when life becomes too complicated and you wonder if God can throw you a manual to guide you through...

Break ups? Move on!

No man is an island. Each of us need someone-be it a good friend,mum,dad,sister,brother, and grandparents.Someone to share our lives with. But to witness? To have someone to witness our life requires a soul mate. He/she will see you through every step you take. He/she becomes a pillar, a new found energy and strength to move on. See, the thing is not many of us ask for help if we needed one, so many boundaries and restrictions we place on ourselves to make that one step, but with a spouse it never happens.Somehow all ego gets broken, and we portray and share our emotions and our faith and place our trust on that one person. That's the reason why when a person loses his/her sincere first love due to unfaithfulness, it takes ages for them to come out of it. They have bared their raw soul to that one person and trusted them with all their heart. When it is broken, it leaves behind a deep scar and take ages to heal or the life is ended before the scar could even heal. Neither do they give a chance to themselves nor to the one who will be sincerely loving them in the future. Or they simply move on or commit themselves into relationships out of 'no choice' excuses.It is a pity because life does not just stop there.People fail to see there is more to life than just one failure.Often things happen for a reason.Why not look at the positive side of it. Even if it is not apparent than and there, it would be one day. You just have to start looking. Why not give yourself a second chance.You deserve one!

Home SWEET Home

Going back home had always been an adventure for me. Besides the major cleaning to do, there is always a feeling of satisfaction and happiness. A feeling so beautiful. Yes, I am back home=) One week break and tons of cleaning ( really, tons). Plus, the joy of having everyone at home this festive season even if it is for a day, is one of my best moments in life.So, yes I am indeed looking forward to it albeit all the work. Now, washing and cleaning are all considered normal stuff but there are also other work that not many people will have the "opportunity" of doing after coming home in such a long long time. Well this opportunity was created by the.... "RATS".. argghhh! So here are some of the photos of my lovely break.So, here is the treasure. Rat shit! Dear ratty rat, kindly find a different place to shit and pee. My mum is really upset with you people. Don't spoil my holiday. As much as I think you are cute and all, please use the loo.It is just beside the kitchen,okay?

More treasure.Arghhh!Hmmm...this calls for patience!

=) Yeah mangoes. Mommy and me collecting these wonderful things.Yum, yum! While cherecha (uncle) is on the tree, giving it a real hard shake so that all the mangoes will drop down. Something that usually acha used to do.Finally,me=)) That's acha's hat on my head. He used to use it each time he is doing work. Ahh, I LOVE home! Totally!

P/S= Have to get back to studying very soon:P. Adios.Love Ya People! Happy Diwali!

Own Space?

In life, we will always need someone to fall back on. Someone to say "yeah you are right".Someone to give a pat on the shoulder and say " Don't worry". Someone for us to cry to. No one man can live on their own. In the name of responsibilities, we go all out,we claim we want our own space. Own space? Yeh "own space" ka matlap kia hai? What is own space? Living in an empty house and to come home to a house with absolute peace and no noise? Is this own space? It could be, but it depends on how long do you want the peace and no noise. Imagine walking into a house with kids running, full of noise, yet full of life, a mum/dad/wife/husband to ask you how was your day. You still have someone to talk to if you need to complain about your boss. You may not get the absolute quietness but there is a self satisfaction that you get.A joy you can never trade for anything else. When happiness becomes a routine,you will not realize the value of it. Now, imagine walking into the same home that was filled with joy and life once upon a time and now absolutely empty.There you have got the happiness you are seeking for. The absolute quietness you want is granted. One week, than a month, a year goes by. Why do you feel tired at the end of it, when you have absolutely no attachment and no commitments? Now you ask for the same noise that once filled your house, the same faces that you see everyday.Why? Because despite having your own space, there will always be an emptiness in you. An emptiness that can only be filled by the ones you love. So the next time you say you want your own space and your own life. Think again! You are not kidding anyone. We quite often say hello and greet strangers that we meet once in a while in life but we fail to do so to those we see everyday at home? Why does this happen?Learn to give small appreciation to the one living in your heart rather than to the one's who walk right in and out of your heart... It happens..when you so often see a person and suddenly the person is not there, you miss them. Hard facts of life- You learn to appreciate when you loose something, you never know how precious they are till you loose them...So do me a favour, and wish a loud good morning to your family members tomorrow. Saying I love you will not bruise your ego in anyway either, so give it at try! Love you all. Happy Saturday!

Experience, My Teacher

Yesterday, was one of the "pages" in my book of life. You know how some of us used to have cat fights with our peers when we were teens (luckily we are not blessed with claws otherwise I cant imagine what would have happened), over tiny stuffs, well surprisingly I accidentally got myself into one (Notice I used the word accident, cause I loathe getting involved with immature creatures). Anyway the point is, after much analyzing, I have come to know how much I have learned with just one incident. I learned to stand up for what is right, surprisingly I also learned that people have predicted me so well that so much so when I stood up for myself, they felt I should not be like that( what logic is that?). I have learned not to discuss in anger, instead more calmly with a soft tone, believe it or not, it was like a magic, it worked wonders. And I also learned it is okay to put ourselves down and make the other person feel better if it is going to be beneficial to us( hey, people did not simply say fake it to make it).Plus, I have learned the other person's character very well. Lastly, I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect-Edward Gibbon (Very well said, how true) Till yesterday, I asked why it happened to me, but today I am grateful it was me, otherwise I would have never learned. Many more pages to go...

~Life is like an empty book whereby the pages are filled up as the days go, only a few chapters in this book is worth looking back at , the rest is merely an experience to make us strong and mature~Rubashini Nair

My Independence & A Big Thank You

Morning. I have finally finished my professional exams and I am a full fledged final year student. Yeah! Honestly,yesterday was my New Year. Now, I am on par with the rest. And,I can finally pay attention to one thing till my next exam. This is the day I was waiting for since I made the decision to defer my studies in 2008. And finally it is here. Trust me folks, any trials in this journey is always a temporary thing and it will pass by fast, whatever it is. It is just one of God's way of making us strong. Studies was never the only issue for me , since acha left , there was so many emotional downfalls in life. So many people to cater for especially family. No, I am not complaining--- the start of anything in life is never an easy one but as it goes things will eventually fall in place. Time probably heals the pain- not completely perhaps a little. 2 years was definitely an eye opener-meeting people, understanding them, standing up for yourself, appreciating the small things that makes a great difference, maturing and the feel of wanting to do everything right now, this very moment, to spent when I want to, to go on a vacation or a trip or anything without giving much of a thought, to dance till I am exhausted, to see more people, and a lot more to name. So, I was thinking, I am going to take some time to thank some people who had been there, and made a difference in the last 2 years directly or indirectly. I have never particularly mentioned any one's name before so if I did today I am being truly sincere and wishing you people a big thank you from the bottom of my heart.

1) Sham chechi

Where do I start when it comes to you, basically everything was possible due to
your effort. The amount of patience, love and understanding and support that
you gave all throughout-from the time I deffered my studies, all the train journeys to keep me company and all the encouragement.Oh yes, and the driving will never be possible if it was not for your support. And I needed you the most to keep me sane.To listen to me pour my heart out!Thank you for being rational.

2) Ma-me mummy

Despite all the irrationalities and emotional downfall, as a mother, you are still the best. You had a dual role since 2008-both as a dad & a mum. And you did both very well. You have always worried about not being able to do it right and not as perfectly as acha- but honestly no one could have done it better than you! Chumi's wedding would not have been possible without you! And I would not have made it this far as well. I admire you patience & always wished I had half of it.So, thank you and love you.

3) Priscillia

You are part of the family now. Thank you for all the help. And especially for all the driving around to distribute the cards and to settle everything else-from the slide making, to the late nights chats and to be very patient with the DJ=) So many things would not have been possible without you. So thank you!

4) Kishore

Thank you for all the wonderful lunch and dinner and hours and hours of time spent talking. Really kept my mind off things. Thank you for making me feel welcomed and not so awkward when I was back for my studies. And also for sending me home that Christmas morning. Truly a friend I can count on.So, a big thank you and do let me no if I am of any help.

5) Sarita

A big thank you and a hug for listening to me pour my heart out at the time I needed most. And also, for allowing me to stay over! I really appreciate it. Hope to return your favour one day. And as promised, will get you your Tatiana=) & it was nice having you around back home and to be able to explore my primary school, thanx to you.

6) Rathi

Thank you for filling me up with all the stories=) and keeping me happy. I sort of felt like I was back in the class and did not miss anything, thanx to you.

P/S= Off to gym now. Have a blessed day!

Break Free

Have you taken any risks in life or had this feeling " I am tired of all this stuff" and you decide to stop right there and go on your own way.It will be cool if life was as such. You get to decide at this very moment what you want from it. If not for all the rules and regulations and all the norm, and a family, I would have done it. Feel like hopping on to a train and to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as it takes me to a place where there is abundance of joy ,love,happiness, and kids. Have you sat in a train station and sometimes wish to go to the counter and get a ticket to anywhere but not where you have planned, just for the fun of it, to try it, to see where this journey takes you. I have always wanted to, but never tried. Perhaps at the time the thought comes to my mind , the next thing that I always hear at the back of my head is " this is ridiculous Ruby, absolutely ridiculous, you just don't go anywhere, where were you planning to go anyway?" Than, the next thing I know, is myself sitting on the thin mattress on the lower berth going back to where I have intended to go when I purchased my ticket while looking at all the commotion that takes place at each station while everyone is trying to settle down. But deep down, I really wish just one day I can break free and do it.To take the chance to see where this journey called life leads me....

p/s=It is always nice to have a partner in crime=)

This Second

This moment what I really need is
- a hug
- mum by my side
- some comfort food(preferably mum's cooking)
- air conditioner (the weather is extremely hot)
- a holiday
- my room back in Pahang ( where peace is certain)
- movies-kabhi kushi kabhi kham/kuch2 hota hai/shrek
- the kids
- a bed ( have been sleeping on a mattress without a bed frame for a long time)
- playing on a swing
- sitting and enjoying the stars
- some soothing music (good for the soul)
- My Dad!

Caught In Between Air And Water

Certain decisions are not easy to make in life, but they are a must. People often say,"it's your life", you decide. But how often do we make our own decisions? Create our own path.Learning from our own mistakes. Experiencing life and enjoying every moment of it as we take one step each time. We are granted with all the freedom, and a lot of motivators around us telling us how we should build the life we want, and yet why is it so difficult for us to stop and turn back and take a different path.What is it that is tying us down? Have you been in a situation where you had no plans in your mind and than you take up whatever someone else suggests and than half way through it you realize that this is not me, not what I wanted, not the life I choose. Have you? But the only problem is you are confused, cause you are dead sure this is not what you want but what is it exactly that you want to achieve, still remains a mystery. Sometimes we just wait ,hoping that opportunity will knock at our door. Part of us feel guilty- as if we are betraying those who love and trust us, and who has given us a better life, than there is the issue of time-time spent all this years doing something and going through it and than we decide to back out, next comes the money put in all these years and lastly the perception of people- our friends, uncles and aunties and all the others who are "so-called" concerned people. But my question is, why look at the few years that has passed, why not see what is going to happen in the remaining few years to come that is going to be the future, why concern about what others think when only some people were involved in the decision making from the very first day, honestly does it even matter, I mean people have their own problems and they are only good at talking where they are not needed, and what about "my"-your own happiness? Does it not matter anymore or are we just going to go through the coming days dreading our mornings knowing that we are going to work or do something that we are not really enthusiastic about and telling ourselves again and again,that when I have kids I make sure they do what they want. What about now, this very moment, don't we deserve the happiness, the joy to move on and do what we like.To create my own destiny. Why is it when we are trying to break the norm to live our life, it always causes apprehension? Aren't we suppose to take risks? There will always be fear when risks are taken. What if we are making a bad mistake? What if it all goes wrong? What if I don't succeed? So what, is it really the end of the world? Do you just pause there and regret for the decisions you took at that point of time or do you just move on and find ways to achieve in life?

p/s= Based on recent conversations and decision making and all the people that I have met , it prompted me to write this down.This is merely questions to make you think.So take a second and think about it. I have thought about it so many times in these last few years and yet never really found an answer.

Clueless

I NEED A HUG...

Just One Of Those Days

It has been long since I posted something here but I did drop by in this page so many times and each time I did, and clicked "new post" , than I stare at an empty screen, just lost in thoughts, so many issues and stories I want to write here, but its all messed up in my head that it seems so difficult to organize all of it, & than I eventually log out. Today, I thought to myself I shall write down anything that comes to mind. I have been extremely busy in the last two weeks with studies. That apart, I have learned so much about my friends, new things about some of them. As the days go, I am becoming a little timid, funny, I used to be brave last time, never gave a shit about anything, but medicine is really one field that just at times makes you want to run away from everything, despite that I have told myself it is a challenge I have to face. And I think this year is going to fly really fast.So many competitive people around.It is about keeping yourself at the top, you know that constant pressure to be good. In the last two weeks, there was one day I came home crying for some reason that may sound stupid to many yet hurting to some. I fell into the hurting category of course. Thank god, I had someone to hear me cry and that was mum of course.Next comes the family. I think despite all our busy schedule, someone has to take the responsibility to have a gathering and to bring all of us together, otherwise there will always be a distance when we are adults. But, I guess I am lucky in that sense=) We should always care for one another, it does not mean if we are blessed with our own lives the rest is forgotten ( yup, at times you have to poke your nose to keep the rest in a better position). Oh yes, I have a new mission this year, but that I am afraid I can't reveal, but anyways wish me luck=) And, as a child I used to be a movie freak, like a really bad one, at least for Hindi movies. Dad used to get so angry during my secondary school days when he catches me watching movie at 3 in the morning. When I am back for holidays, I could go on watching till 5-6 in the morning, that is how crazy I am. Nowadays, it is the opposite. I hardly even know what are the latest movies playing in the cinema and I feel awkwardly awkward having to go through a 5 minute conversation with my buddies on movies, I would be so glad if I can even survive the first 3 minutes of the talk. To add on to it, I have friends who are taking advantage of my character, it is pretty annoying ( well, it happened today, so I just feel like screaming). I mean it wouldn't take me seconds to tell them off, but yet I don't see the necessity of being nasty, so I just shut up. Just because I never say "no" to most of the things and have been using the word "chill" zillion times , so yeah they eventually think they get to decide what I should be doing. And I think it is really immature that people think like that, you are supposed to be grown-ups, at least act professional! So yeah, that is pretty much most of the things that took place, but not all. The remainder is just meant for me...

The Wedding Events

Holla! I survived this week. Plus, it is a beautiful beautiful weekend with an extra day off.Yeah=) How fast time flies..Creepy. Anyway, finally my sister got married. Hoping to post some pictures once I get them. The days prior to the big day is the most memorable one. Shopping, shopping and shopping + eating and eating. The kitchen was filled with sweets. People everywhere.Waking up to the sound of laughter was the nicest moments. Self beauty was also the top priority. Pedicures, black facial, and oh yes hair styling one after another was the greatest=) So I decided to go all 70's for the wedding with the hair back combed. Pretty cool & I loved it. You guys should consider trying it. And it goes well with the puffed up Saree sleeves. Sort of compliments one another. Well for the dinner, it was the curls that I choose. But the feeling of pampering yourself, and buying accessories to match the Saree was the most treasured feeling. Meeting friends that I have not met in ages was great as well.Finally, the time came when I had to go up the stage to give the special toast. I had butterflies in my tummy right before going up the stage but once I was there it just flew away. Follow a simple rule when giving heart touching speeches in a wedding dinner---speak from your heart. I know I did when I left a few of them teary eyed. Oh, I forget to mention about contact lens shopping=) Mine was brown, the other two of my sisters had honey coloured and grey coloured eye. I just love the idea of having different coloured eye for any functions.It has the energy boosting factor to it=) I end my day with dancing- so nice! Wish I can do that again! I was so busy that I forget to have my dinner *sigh* Taking photo shots did not come in easy. My "smiling muscles" were aching so much that I did not have a natural touch to the smile=( All in all it was the best times in my life.

The only upsetting thing about the whole event was the - cocky DJ! I have no idea which world he came from, but his attitude sure does not fit his carrier. Otherwise, it was a perfect day.

A Letter To My Dad

Dear Acha,

Happy Birthday! We went through the day like normal, but there was heaviness in everyone's heart. Everyone tried to avoid thinking of the date. No one actually sat in a group and dared talked about it. Ama told me its your birthday a day before. Sham, on the other hand,had the reminder set just like the previous years.She told us how old are you. I, well,.. I wished you the day before. We had cake. Busy , busy... the whole day. We went for food testing for the wedding. Quality time spent together. Somewhere deep down, all of us was missing your presence. I couldn't help thinking what would you have said if you were here. Anyway, 3 days from now Chumi will be starting a new chapter in her life. Pretty occupied with the wedding prep. Guess what I am trying to say is that, despite all this busy schedule, you are always remembered. Just that now no one wants to speak about it, afraid of having mom's heart broken. Oh, ama is freaking out as we are nearing the wedding. I have to constantly remind her the dates. However, she is doing a wonderful job.Hats off to her. And, yes, I as usual get very excited shopping. If you were physically present I would have worn it and have you tell me how I look in it-just like old times. I am going all orange this time=). Oh, and you won't belief how much of weight Chumi has lost. What all a marriage can do to a person=). Anyway, I know your blessings are always there with us.

Love,
Your Simandhi Putri

~Life is like a garden in which we plant our flowers:the roses of affection that bloom in summer hours.The seeds of sweet remembrance, of hope, joy and love~

Life's Little Instructions

Feel like I have not blogged in ages.Been really busy. Anyway, I was doing some reading online today morning when I came across this.It's Will and Guy's Funny Rules Of Life. So, I thought I shall share it with you people- to start the day on a more positive note. So,here goes...

Sing in the shower.
Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
Leave the toilet seat in the down position.
Never refuse homemade brownies.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Plant a tree on your birthday.
Learn 3 clean jokes.
Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full.
Compliment 3 people every day.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Leave everything a little better than you found it.
Keep it simple.
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Floss your teeth.
Ask for a raise when you think you've earned it.
Overtip breakfast waitresses.
Be forgiving of yourself and others.
Say, "Thank you" a lot.
Say, "Please" a lot.
Avoid negative people.
Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.
Wear polished shoes.
Remember other people's birthdays.
Commit yourself to constant improvement.
Carry jumper cables in your truck.
Have a firm handshake.
Send lots of Valentine cards.
Sign them, "Someone who thinks you're terrific."
Look people in the eye.
Be the first to say hello.
Use the good silver.
Return all things you borrow.
Make new friends, but cherish the old ones.
Keep a few secrets.
Sing in a choir.
Plant flowers every spring.
Have a dog.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Stop blaming others.
Take responsibility for every area of your life.
Wave at kids on school busses.
Be there when people need you.
Feed a stranger's expired parking meter.
Don't expect life to be fair.
Never underestimate the power of love.
Drink champagne for no reason at all.
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
Don't be afraid to say, "I made a mistake."
Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know."
Compliment even small improvements.
Keep your promises no matter what.
Marry for love.
Rekindle old friendships.
Count your blessings.
Call your mother.

by H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Say It Out Loud

Aloha! Morning morning morning. Well, afternoon actually=) But what shall I say the earth is definitely turning differently in my world( at least for me). My mornings are now my afternoons, my late nights are actually my mornings. I am awake when the world is sleeping and sleeping when the world is awake. Being a total bum!=) Pretty much enjoying it at the moment. Anyways, well today there are plans, so not too bad I guess. So, yesterday was a busy day running behind the kids and all, and watched A.R. Rahman's live show from Sydney. An awesomely awesome show.Totally mind blowing. Sometimes if you need to distress, what better way than listening to music. Plus, now I know my bro-in-law went with his than girlfriend to watch Rahman's concert the last time he was here ( No,not my sis)=) By the way what I like about A.R.Rahman is his humble and down to earth nature. Never had the slightest "tinge" of ego in him. Moving on, I had a heart to heart talk with my big sis. You know, the serious emotion filled conversation that comes up once in a blue moon. It was worth it. So, to keep things short, in life we can solve many things just by sitting and talking, even the most stubborn headed person will eventually calm down. Never shout, listen and give the other person a chance to talk.Trust me, it works. Never make an assumption on what the other person is thinking, cause most of the time in life we waste time worrying what others will say and never move forward.So,take it from me, don't make judgments, let whoever it is to speak, than make the decision. Told you didn't I, life is simple and it is us who make things complicated. Plus, don't assume that everyone can read your mind, whatever it is please say it out loud. We are no computer to read people's mind by the way.

Just to share:
I had a choice between love and hate. I choose love and I am here...
~A.R.Rahman~

When My Brain& Heart Works Together...

There are certain things in life that intrigues me. Have you noticed when there is a certain something that is going on in life, which is all happy,than, suddenly you find yourself bombarded with all the sad things-usually some form of sickness that occurs in the family. And, worst still, it has to happen on some auspicious day. Great huh? What a story plot, full of climax! Well, I am going through it at the moment-2nd time! Having this feeling of nothing -totally empty ( you know the sort of feeling when you get some happy news, and than an hour later, somebody tells you a bad news, finally you wont know how to react) Never mind if you don't get it-just to vent out my frustration. Anyways, I have been in this thinking mode these few days. When I finally willingly want to break free and fly away, I just realize I cant. What is stopping me?RESPONSIBILITIES! By the way did anyone tell you ( if you happen to be the youngest in the family just like me) that you are lucky and you must be pampered. Take it from me, it is rubbish! You know being the last does not necessarily means you are the spoiled child. In fact we go through a rather different journey. You became the shoulder to cry on. Parents tell you most of the things and that becomes somewhat like a pillar- you think twice before doing something just not to repeat the same mistakes your siblings had made( in case they have). Along the way you pick up minute details that can hurt their feelings, and you keep reminding yourself not to do it. Sometimes, we mould ourselves to be a perfectionist. I never deny, I know I try to be a perfectionist most of the time- I am as simple as if I know, I know, if I don't, I don't. As simple as it may sound,its actually pretty complex.Well,that's not the way to live life( purely out of experience ,I am telling). Than as we grow,parents grow.They tend to be extra extra sensitive,so our roles becomes more challenging-we should be extra careful. Later on, as they age, they get their separation anxiety. They always want to be surrounded by their children-never ready to let go. We on the other hand, well don't move about much- you are caught in between your rebellious and curious nature and the real fact, trying to please everyone except yourself. A little confused, not wanting to hurt anyone in the process of getting your freedom. Oh, than there is the other thing being the last, you are the ONLY hope, ONLY chance to fulfill dreams and what not. The worst is when you say no that's not how you feel, but you are constantly reminded that's your feeling,leaving you with not knowing how to feel, because you are told how to feel ( Drop this if its tooo confusing) . You sometimes never really get a chance to make a decision, cause almost always a good decision is made for you. Sometimes you are filled with guilt, cause you go through a smooth journey that many never had a chance, everything perfect, and when you try to break free, the feeling of guilt just takes over you, reminding yourself to be grateful. I am confused now... But the only thing I tell myself is that it could probably be just the age, the curious nature and I am not wise enough to take the decision. Let the one's with the experience to handle it. I guess this must be one helluva journey filled with surprises!

Tough Lessons Of Life

Less than 24 hours and we will be moving into a new year,2010! Unbelievable, the time is moving so fast.I have no idea what I did in the last two years. It just came and went,each day lived, yet not to the fullest.Yes, not to the fullest. I am maturing with each passing year, thus I expect myself to set goals and learn more, and be more responsible and set my priorities right. However little did I know, God had His own plans.Though it was not a smooth ride, but I definitely learned more.Mostly the lessons of love, life, family, friends, and trust. I have learned to appreciate the smallest things in life.To be grateful for being able to wake up each morning and to be able to see and feel the warm morning sunlight.To be grateful to hear my mum's voice every morning. To be grateful to be blessed with sisters who are supportive. Most importantly, I know I have a shoulder to cry on when I need one. What more could I ask for? I am truly blessed. My friends have also thought me valuable lessons. Along the way, I met friends whom I was not closed too initially. Funny, when things were fine for me, the world seemed polished! No problems,everyone seemed happy, but it was these two years that thought me people fall into the dark pit and they just climb out of it, and move on.They try to create the life they want. Honestly, it is never the end of the world when problems come your way. It is merely an opportunity for you to be strong, to grow, to learn and to survive. I have been pushed around a lot in the last two years. There were times when I had to bit my tongue and keep quite when something really unacceptable and irrational happens. I was not left with any choice. From being a quite and unnoticed student, now I cant walk anywhere without being unnoticed. I have encountered many stubborn headed and some extremely egoistic teachers. Some of which I wish I could just twist their ears and tell them " Moron, listen to me, you are no God, so don't behave like one!" They are many times I have burst out crying in the restroom, just wanting to run away and to hug someone. Now, thinking back, it was a lesson to make me strong and to move on. It was God's way of saying " See child, this is life, not the one you think it is, meet some of these people, they will teach you how to live." How true! Friends? Well,I had many. Still do. But strangely, it was those who I have met in the last two years who have been my strength. Family? My BIGGEST bundle of joy and love. I would never trade them in for anything! No, thank you , I am much happier in their presence. I remember a friend telling me once, " God only test those who are strong" . Well, thanks Lord, I am strong, just be my foundation-my strength and I am sure I wont have a problem facing the world.