Say It Out Loud

Aloha! Morning morning morning. Well, afternoon actually=) But what shall I say the earth is definitely turning differently in my world( at least for me). My mornings are now my afternoons, my late nights are actually my mornings. I am awake when the world is sleeping and sleeping when the world is awake. Being a total bum!=) Pretty much enjoying it at the moment. Anyways, well today there are plans, so not too bad I guess. So, yesterday was a busy day running behind the kids and all, and watched A.R. Rahman's live show from Sydney. An awesomely awesome show.Totally mind blowing. Sometimes if you need to distress, what better way than listening to music. Plus, now I know my bro-in-law went with his than girlfriend to watch Rahman's concert the last time he was here ( No,not my sis)=) By the way what I like about A.R.Rahman is his humble and down to earth nature. Never had the slightest "tinge" of ego in him. Moving on, I had a heart to heart talk with my big sis. You know, the serious emotion filled conversation that comes up once in a blue moon. It was worth it. So, to keep things short, in life we can solve many things just by sitting and talking, even the most stubborn headed person will eventually calm down. Never shout, listen and give the other person a chance to talk.Trust me, it works. Never make an assumption on what the other person is thinking, cause most of the time in life we waste time worrying what others will say and never move forward.So,take it from me, don't make judgments, let whoever it is to speak, than make the decision. Told you didn't I, life is simple and it is us who make things complicated. Plus, don't assume that everyone can read your mind, whatever it is please say it out loud. We are no computer to read people's mind by the way.

Just to share:
I had a choice between love and hate. I choose love and I am here...
~A.R.Rahman~

When My Brain& Heart Works Together...

There are certain things in life that intrigues me. Have you noticed when there is a certain something that is going on in life, which is all happy,than, suddenly you find yourself bombarded with all the sad things-usually some form of sickness that occurs in the family. And, worst still, it has to happen on some auspicious day. Great huh? What a story plot, full of climax! Well, I am going through it at the moment-2nd time! Having this feeling of nothing -totally empty ( you know the sort of feeling when you get some happy news, and than an hour later, somebody tells you a bad news, finally you wont know how to react) Never mind if you don't get it-just to vent out my frustration. Anyways, I have been in this thinking mode these few days. When I finally willingly want to break free and fly away, I just realize I cant. What is stopping me?RESPONSIBILITIES! By the way did anyone tell you ( if you happen to be the youngest in the family just like me) that you are lucky and you must be pampered. Take it from me, it is rubbish! You know being the last does not necessarily means you are the spoiled child. In fact we go through a rather different journey. You became the shoulder to cry on. Parents tell you most of the things and that becomes somewhat like a pillar- you think twice before doing something just not to repeat the same mistakes your siblings had made( in case they have). Along the way you pick up minute details that can hurt their feelings, and you keep reminding yourself not to do it. Sometimes, we mould ourselves to be a perfectionist. I never deny, I know I try to be a perfectionist most of the time- I am as simple as if I know, I know, if I don't, I don't. As simple as it may sound,its actually pretty complex.Well,that's not the way to live life( purely out of experience ,I am telling). Than as we grow,parents grow.They tend to be extra extra sensitive,so our roles becomes more challenging-we should be extra careful. Later on, as they age, they get their separation anxiety. They always want to be surrounded by their children-never ready to let go. We on the other hand, well don't move about much- you are caught in between your rebellious and curious nature and the real fact, trying to please everyone except yourself. A little confused, not wanting to hurt anyone in the process of getting your freedom. Oh, than there is the other thing being the last, you are the ONLY hope, ONLY chance to fulfill dreams and what not. The worst is when you say no that's not how you feel, but you are constantly reminded that's your feeling,leaving you with not knowing how to feel, because you are told how to feel ( Drop this if its tooo confusing) . You sometimes never really get a chance to make a decision, cause almost always a good decision is made for you. Sometimes you are filled with guilt, cause you go through a smooth journey that many never had a chance, everything perfect, and when you try to break free, the feeling of guilt just takes over you, reminding yourself to be grateful. I am confused now... But the only thing I tell myself is that it could probably be just the age, the curious nature and I am not wise enough to take the decision. Let the one's with the experience to handle it. I guess this must be one helluva journey filled with surprises!

2 Days & Nothing Exciting

Namaste. I am finally back home for holidays-exams are over for now. My lungs are properly expanding now=) You know I have read many causes of diarrhoea, but I would like to add just one more self-experienced and 100% true cause- exam-induced diarrhoea=( And its like the worst thing to have! Anyways, lets start off with my train journey.For the first time, I took the 2nd class seating,it was always berth, but that was only because the tickets are sold out as usual and I have no idea why do people need to go back all that often when it is not even the holiday season(okay,sounds pretty selfish,sorry,just a little frustration,but nevertheless I am glad that at least I have got the tickets to go home. So, in this train journey, I had a friend along with me. Though different seats, we spend the first three hours exploring and practically loitering from one coach to the other. We even saved a teenage girl from a horny man (no joke,no dramatization,for real). Later, enjoying the sight of the Penang bridge from the canteen of the train. In fact, I only knew the train had a mosque that day, thanks to our curiosity. After 3 solid hours, we went to our respective seats. They were playing Tom& Jerry, and than had Batman Returns on TV.I got squeezed between a moderately build man and the window, not moving an inch, with the weight of my lap top and few clothes,water bottles resting on my lap. Just to add on to all of that, it was THE time of the month.Just great! What a disaster! I only remember swearing to myself all through the journey- no more seating coach for me, its either berth or not going home. I was hardly sleeping,a little worried about the safety of my belongings. I can feel my muscles crying out in pain! All stiffened in the 10 hours journey. However, it was compensated with me sleeping the following day=) This past two days, was pretty boring, besides shouting ( no, its hard to talk to kids nowadays,simply because they don't behave like one) and bugging my mom's life.The only good thing that kept my energy level a little high was watching Yaadein,Dance India Dance and watching Jodhaa Akbar-hmm, Hrithik love your movements, extremely flexible!--Oh yes, love you too!Yup, that is pretty much about it. Tomorrow, taking mom to hospital, well the rest of the day still remains a mystery.Hopefully,it will be an exciting one!

No Need For The Intro

I was so sleepy till I saw this.Now, I am wide awake. What a disaster!Her New Year's resolution is to wear pants. Well, I have no words.

Welcome 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL
-2010 already? (still in disbelief!)
-resolutions in the making ( sounds like me alright)
-walked into the shop today, telling myself "no chocolates today"
-But, little did I know I would end up with 4:Hershey's chocs were on sale=)
-I helped a Chinese lady pick her chocolates and reading the price to her as she can't read
-Had 2 breakfast 5 hours apart- coffee&bun; tosai&tea
-Having pasta for lunch ( so unlike me)- gotta cook later
-Watching a movie before I start my studies
-Next week will be the last week of exams-(yippie!)
-Wasted the last three days lazing around
-While driving today, I had a sudden thought of being kissed under a hanging mistletoe ( thanx to mum for provoking such an idea)
-I think it is a blessing that New Years Day is on Friday
-I am thinking what I did last Friday
-I am not sending out New Year wishes to everyone this year, instead only to those who wish me ( yeah right, it never lasted though, I have already started my usual routine)
-I was sick at the eve of 2010
-I slept half an hour before the countdown
-Mostly, because I am home-sick to the core
-I asked God for miracles and magics to occur this year
-I had a dream about snakes yesterday ( nothing unusual)
-I went a little late to temple
-But,was surprised to find the crowd in the temple
-I bought yogurt-apple and mixed berry
-My friend just gave me a Hindi movie titled " New York"
-I think it is pretty cool to type "2010"
-My friend's boyfriend wished me at the eve of 2010
-I replied him only to realize I have not wished her yet
-I felt that the priest in the temple did not do the prayers well today ( well, I can't question him)
-I ate one of my 4 chocolate-cookies n cream-in the car
-I miss Dad
-I miss home
-I am thankful to Lord for everything He has given me
GOD BLESS ALL

The Man

I walked into the room
I see him
Sitting at the edge of the bed
His eyes looking at the floor
I have not seen him smiling
For months now
I teared
But quickly wiped it away
He must never see me crying
I reached for his hands
Slowly moistening his palm with the lotion
" Can you scratch my back?"
"Of course" I said
Dutifully doing what I was told
As a daughter
Do you want to watch a movie?
I persistently asked
Knowing both him and I enjoyed doing it
He scolded me
I cried
No, not because of what he said
But because I am aware of his pain
It tore my heart apart
Scolding God
For putting him through this
The days flew
And than came the time when he had to leave me
I hated God
Clueless as to whats happening
The man is no more
But his teachings and his memory
Will always be treasured...

Tough Lessons Of Life

Less than 24 hours and we will be moving into a new year,2010! Unbelievable, the time is moving so fast.I have no idea what I did in the last two years. It just came and went,each day lived, yet not to the fullest.Yes, not to the fullest. I am maturing with each passing year, thus I expect myself to set goals and learn more, and be more responsible and set my priorities right. However little did I know, God had His own plans.Though it was not a smooth ride, but I definitely learned more.Mostly the lessons of love, life, family, friends, and trust. I have learned to appreciate the smallest things in life.To be grateful for being able to wake up each morning and to be able to see and feel the warm morning sunlight.To be grateful to hear my mum's voice every morning. To be grateful to be blessed with sisters who are supportive. Most importantly, I know I have a shoulder to cry on when I need one. What more could I ask for? I am truly blessed. My friends have also thought me valuable lessons. Along the way, I met friends whom I was not closed too initially. Funny, when things were fine for me, the world seemed polished! No problems,everyone seemed happy, but it was these two years that thought me people fall into the dark pit and they just climb out of it, and move on.They try to create the life they want. Honestly, it is never the end of the world when problems come your way. It is merely an opportunity for you to be strong, to grow, to learn and to survive. I have been pushed around a lot in the last two years. There were times when I had to bit my tongue and keep quite when something really unacceptable and irrational happens. I was not left with any choice. From being a quite and unnoticed student, now I cant walk anywhere without being unnoticed. I have encountered many stubborn headed and some extremely egoistic teachers. Some of which I wish I could just twist their ears and tell them " Moron, listen to me, you are no God, so don't behave like one!" They are many times I have burst out crying in the restroom, just wanting to run away and to hug someone. Now, thinking back, it was a lesson to make me strong and to move on. It was God's way of saying " See child, this is life, not the one you think it is, meet some of these people, they will teach you how to live." How true! Friends? Well,I had many. Still do. But strangely, it was those who I have met in the last two years who have been my strength. Family? My BIGGEST bundle of joy and love. I would never trade them in for anything! No, thank you , I am much happier in their presence. I remember a friend telling me once, " God only test those who are strong" . Well, thanks Lord, I am strong, just be my foundation-my strength and I am sure I wont have a problem facing the world.